i dont always feel the guilt because its starting fade but somedays i cant help feel a small spark of guilt i know i have no control over stuff like that right now im more mad at him for leaving me even though maybe he didnt have a choice and it was his time i just cant wait for autopsy and toxicology report to come back for definite answer i dont even know what happen they told me what they think happened and im just lost i miss him so much
i wish i couldve of been there within minutes but his mom was here and she went to bed at about 10pm and i didnt get home from work until 1am thats 3hrs unaccounted for time. i came home and the lights were still on he never kept them on in living room so i came through the door and just the color of his skin worried me so i ran down stairs to get his mom and ask how long hes been on the floor she said she didnt know i went to bed at 10.she said he seemed ok when she went to bed i said ok cuz i dont think hes breathing and i kept trying to shake him to get up even while i was on the phone with 911 he still had a heartbeat i thought maybe but i felt so guilty for going to work after that i saw something wrong in his eyes before i left i figured if i didnt go or came home at normal time i might have been able to save his life but i also think its my fault for not making him not do what he was not supposed to with his Rxs but hes been so unhappy and crabby and in pain in his lower back for so long im not sure if he really wanted to stick around nothing made him happy lately not even his son or me i hope he doesnt have any of those problems now. now im not really happy but i have good days and bad days everything makes me think of him. i try not blame myself but its so hard not too, my guilt has subsided a lot for the first couple of weeks but think about it and come back to blaming myself. he never wanted me to worry about him now i worry all the time how am i going to make it as a single mom and how could i ever be with anyone else. i just dont understand why these things happen.
I know exactly what your talking about i have more distractions then most people going through this i have my 17 month old son and work im only 28 i should not be going through this so young, my husband also died unexpectally i came home from work and found him face down on the floor not breathing i was in full panic mode as soon as i walked through the door the EMTs worked on him for 2 hours and then they told me there ws nothing more they could do. they told me he had a heart attack but i have not definite answers he was only 29 he wouldve been 30 in janurary. time away from home helps me so i dont feel so alone when i put the baby down for bed im alone and so i sit and read or comment on this website its really does help just to talk to someone whose gone though it no matter what age its never easy some days are easier then other for me but these last couple of days i just feel alone and ive kinda moved to the point where im mad he left me
hi dick my name is stacey and i lost my husband about 5 1/2 weeks ago i feel your pain im so sorry for your loss and if you just wanna talk im here to listen ill keep you in my prayers along with everyone else
Dick sorry to read that you lost your wife. 4 weeks is no time at all. Hope our posts are not too difficult to read. At least on this site you can say whatever you want, no one will tell you what you should be feeling. its different for everyone - hope we can help, sorry to have to welcome you to this gp.