dearest Dixie, I read where you talk of how the time was not enough for you, same here! my beloved Barry was to retire this year and passed last spring and it breaks my heart, he never got a chance to just be a retiree. He was the most caring professor and man I have ever met. He was an anthropology professor and his specialty was “Understanding other’s suffering and trying to feel from their point of view” and he was so genuine I feel so much loss and even anger that we never go to to explore this time of life together. He lived his whole life for others and then he passed! Makes no sense to me. I also talk to Barry as you talk to your beloved..You are not a wierdo honey! Grief is horribly painful and is very confusing too. I think what helps me is focusing on how the Bible says that “LOVE ENDURES ALL THINGS” AND THAT NOTHING CAN SEPERATE US FROM THE LOVE OF GOD” AND how Barry is with God. And he is okay. It’s me who is a basket case!!
AND then the longing for them is a whole other layer, issnt it>??? the missing them!!!!! and noone else will do! Barry was so much fun too. He was so caring for me with my chronic illness and now I must bear it alone. I feel selifsh at times because i need him so much. I keep his picture close to mey bedside and on my phone and wear his perfume to feel close and it helps. 

I have never tried wrapping myself in a quilt but it sounds like a good idea a bout now. I miss him so much I feel I will go crazy!! and its a hard time because those around us expect us to “GO ON” just LIKE THAT! when someone is so much part of our being, we long for that missing part and it makes no logical sense to us.

Please honey, stay strong for your beloved. And thank you for helping us here too. 
blessings and gentle hugs, Vee, Colorado