Thank you so much. It has been 20 months since Richard left and it sometimes feels worse than it did the first year. Now with this pandemic I am in an even more surreal place. It is nice to know that there is light at the end of this tunnel of agony. Best to you.

Don how have you been? Do you remember me David in Maine.Gorham

Thanks Don. I have so many emotions going on, I  cry and then I laugh and then I cry some more. I'm not sure what to do with myself anymore. My world is so empty.

Don,

You so aptly describe what it is like. The first time after Luis passed that I went shoppijng I was like, "I don't know how to do this!". I was dazed! And yes the empty house... We had just moved from a place we lived in for 19 years that we loved! (Landlady sold the property--a widow herself). We moved to a smaller house with much more rent and not as nice. After going through all that stress of moving (Luis was not able to help---I had to do the whole thing), he died a month and a half after. I was stuck with a year lease in a 2 bedroom. I'm sure the landlord would have worked with me but so much going on with "post-death" stuff as you are aware and grief, I couldn't take on the added stress of moving once again. So I stuck it out there for a year even though my financial circumstances have been radically altered, and moved again to a one bedroom apt last July. STILL haven't gotten the "gumption" to even hang pictures. Much of our stuff remains in storage and I keep putting off dealing with "stuff". At least moving AGAIN forced me to scale back on his possessions and clothes, though we wore the same size mostly! Still, much of it just went into storage rather than deal with it. But being in a different place does help---something you might consider when you're ready. I used to hear Luis call my name from his bedroom (snorers) as he often did in his sleep. not sure if I was asleep or it was his spirit. very strange. Since I have moved, or maybe it's just time that has done it, but I no longer hear his voice at night---which in a way I miss but it is nice to not see that room wth him not in it--was always such a reminder. Still, as you say, there are constant reminders which are nice but sometimes make you lose it. One thing I have that is sort of comforting is a little teddy bear with a zipper and a zippered heart, holding a small bit of his ashhes---available on Amazon, if you have ashes, hair or such. Luis and I sleep together every night and watch our favorite TV shows together. :-) (Though we had separate bedrooms we would share the bed many nights). We've got to stay strong---our guys would want that