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suicide's survivors

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Elizabeth Ireland's Blog

How can I go on...

Posted on August 1, 2012 at 10:36pm 0 Comments 0 Likes

I went to work today, it has only been a little over a month since my precious boy has been gone. I thought to myself, "I can not do this, it is too soon. I must be cold-hearted or crazy, am I forgetting about my beautiful child?" But, I can't sit home any longer, I am at home, alone and I cry, I scream and yell, I curse at God and, forgive me, I yell at my beloved son. I know it is not healthy, I know I am not angry at God, I am not angry at Dylan. I am angry at the Universe, why? Why did…

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How can I go on...

Posted on July 29, 2012 at 7:07pm 2 Comments 0 Likes

I just came back from the grocery store. It was hard to shop when I knew I did not need to buy Lucky Charms or Hot Pockets, no frozen pizza or corn dogs. I didn't have to call home 3 times to ask, "what kind of pop do you want?", "Do you need deodorant?" or "anything else you can think of ?". My phone didn't ring with Dylan asking if I could buy him some Axe body spray, or some face wash...it was a quiet trip to the store. I didn't cry, I have been trying very hard to keep that from…

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How can I go on...

Posted on July 28, 2012 at 1:30pm 1 Comment 0 Likes

It has been one month since my buddy, my partner in crime, my beautiful son has been gone from my life. My body aches, my heart is shattered and still I ask why. My son was not suicidal, his Father committed suicide when Dylan was 7 years old, he was adamant about the fact that it was a selfish and cowardly thing to do. We talked in length about it. He spoke to his closest friend and his wonderfully understanding girlfriend about it, he had a tattoo on his arm that read, "Gra Beatha" it…

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At 8:19pm on August 10, 2012, Aida (Lil Joe's mom) said…: thank you for your beautiful comment. it brought tears to my eyes.yes i have two beautiful grandkids that my son left. their ages are...Mia is 6 years old on Sept. 1 and Joey is 2 years old. Joey is the image of my son. I can see him thru my grandson's eyes. OH God I miss my son so much....My grandkids make me laught and i feel so much joy with them. I am sorry that you didn't have grandkids from your son.Life is hard and I still dont understand why we are chosen to feel sorrow at this time of our life. We are suppose to grow old and then our kids lay us on our graves. I am still stunned and I still haven't accepted it. sometimes its ok but then it hits it and i break down. I cant wait to go to heaven to be with my son. I am also angry at God. But I know that that is wrong.Must continue on thru this sorrow/carrying a hugh heavy thing on my body.....Dont know what to do with my life....thanks again for your comment.and please do continue writing to me. anything i can do for you to ease your pain...let me know...sad that we r in this together..have a beautiful day. also...i am starting to read Rick Warren Book...what am I hear on earth for....has alot of good stories...good night.

At 2:49pm on July 24, 2012, Theresa Sweaney said…: Dear Elizabeth,

I am so very sorry for the terrible loss of your dear child. I was where you are just a year ago, May 1, 2011. I felt that unshakeable anguish and hopelessness. It is a long difficult process, but I hope to encourage you that there is hope for life ahead. It does get easier to bear with time and proactive grief work. You are in my thoughts and prayers during these hardest of times.

Theresa

At 6:36am on July 22, 2012, Jodi said…: I am so sorry for the loss of your son, Elizabeth! We lost our youngest son, Garrett, 2 years ago at the age of 17. He hung himself. While it doesn't seem possible now, you can survive the loss of your son. I keep telling myself that it is God's plan, not ours, and one day we will be reunited again and will never have to part. May the love of family and friends and the Grace of God help you face each day. Please know I will keep you in my prayers.