Thanks Ellen yes no matter how they took there life, I have been told it's never about the method it's just a means to an end. Yes I was and still am very shocked by his method and will Never understand. Yes Randy's birthday is this Sunday March 15th, he would have been 59. This isn't the club that I am sure either of us thought we would belong too. We weren't married so all of the other ramifications that come along with that are taking its toll also. There are no Common Law, Laws here in Oregon. So everything was taken out of my control and put into the hands of people he wasn't even close too. It's a challenge everyday, i do have wonderful family support, but like you everyone thinks we should be moving on, what they don't realize is we are moving on. Just not as fast as they think we should. We move on because we have to, but for anyone to think that life will go on as before. Well I am sorry that is never going to happen, I can't blame them because it's not their pain. So I will just move as fast or as slow as I want. It's the anger that is the worst for me right now. I go in between I love you and I hate you. I am sure you understand that. I will come back on later hopefully we can chat.
Hi Ellen, I was reading your story. Actually I thought I was reading my own. My partner of 24 years took his own life 5 months ago on November 3, 2014. He left here one Sunday evening told me he was going to the store and that was the last time I saw him. I called his cell phone all night with no response. At 7;42 am Monday morning he called me and told me he was dying, I ask him where he was, he said I would never find him and once again told me he was dying and hung up the phone. Well they did find him the next day, dead in his truck he had stabbed himself 7 times and slit his wrists. This I am really having a struggle with. It seems like such a violent thing to do and he was not a violent man. Yes I also wonder did he really love me at all, could he not have called and told me he loved me instead of what he did. I know the feeling of people just ignoring the fact that he was ever here, I feel like if I mention anything about his death its like they don't want to hear it and I should get over it. I don't think they do it on purpose, It's just that it didn't happen to them so they don't understand the total devastation that we are feeling. So i say to them that I will never get over it, If he had died some other way I could actually have accepted that, but he didn't and that's the legacy they have left for us. I lost my best friend that day, someone I had shared 24 years with. I hope someday I can get his voice out of my head, but for now I am grieving and in pain like you, and I don't see that changing anytime soon. I am sorry for your Loss Ellen. I truly do understand.