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Fernandohulya replied to Suzanne's discussion How did they do it? in the group Bereaved Spouses
"I do not think that our ancestors were given time to grieve like today where our society has "evolved" or changed its approach to human crisis or emotions in a good or bad way."
Mar 27, 2011
Fernandohulya left a comment for Basia
"Basia, it is good to talk to you and no you do not rumble on. My son Lee is not grieving at all and is like your daughter walking out of the room or shutting down that makes me so worried but I guess that sooner or later he will grieve for his…"
Sep 16, 2010
Basia left a comment for Fernandohulya
"Hi, I hope you are ok. And that your children are doing ok. My oldest daughter (15) has completely shut down. She won't mention her Dad and will walk out of the room if he's talked about. My boys are managing and sometimes will talk about…"
Sep 16, 2010
Fernandohulya left a comment for Hurting
"Hurting my son is refusing to talk at the moment but my daughter is starting to talk more about their Dad. It is still so raw that I burst into tears all day. I am starting counseling next Monday with an apparently good counselor. My son Lee is…"
Sep 16, 2010
Fernandohulya left a comment for Hurting
"I am not that good because Fernando's Birthday in 10 days. My daughters Birthday was yesterday. I am feeling very soar and depressed constantly crying. How things going for you? How is the family doing? I have made an appointment for a…"
Sep 12, 2010
Fernandohulya replied to Liza Smith's discussion How to care for a hurt that won't heal? in the group Bereaved Spouses
"I do not think that a broken heart can be mended, never. It will always belong to my Baby and till we meet again it will be still a broken heart."
Sep 1, 2010
Fernandohulya replied to bc's discussion Meltdowns in the group Bereaved Spouses
"This week is my meltdown for me and the children too, 6 month since he is not with.... and it is Summer time his favourite season. I feel like I take one little step forward and take two giants steps back. The thought that of the first anniversary…"
Aug 27, 2010
Basia left a comment for Fernandohulya
"Hope you and your children are holding up somehow today on this hard day. Stay strong. Stand together."
Aug 26, 2010
Fernandohulya left a comment for Hurting
"Hurting, good to hear from you. I think family are so strange these days and to be honest family means for me the children and I. The amazing situation is that I have found another family who cares for me and that is this site, so family does not…"
Aug 25, 2010
Fernandohulya replied to Suzanne's discussion Just to share my thoughts about a few things. in the group Bereaved Spouses
"Suzanne,to be honest i feel the same as I want him here now and not be a distance memory. I am trying to look forward so hard but I just can not be happy without my soulmate. He made me feel happy and complete so how can I feel the same as before…"
Aug 24, 2010
Fernandohulya left a comment for Basia
"tomorrow it will be 6 month, I just do not believe it. Want him back!"
Aug 24, 2010
Basia left a comment for Fernandohulya
"Thinking of you. Hope you and your children are doing better day by day."
Aug 24, 2010
Fernandohulya replied to Colleen's discussion On the Six Month Anniversary of His Passing in the group Bereaved Spouses
"Collen my deepest sympathy for your loss. I do not think it will get any easier with time and on the 25 it will be 6 month since my soulmate Fernando passed. I found that I do not cope but just get by with the loss drowing the pain with my children.…"
Aug 23, 2010
Fernandohulya replied to Yaca Attwood's discussion fearing to tread..... in the group Bereaved Spouses
"I am so fortunate to find this site all my thoughts and feelings are shared with people who understand what I am going through without the false politeness and the annoying slinence that they might hurt my feelings but they already have done it.…"
Aug 23, 2010
Fernandohulya left a comment for Hurting
"Dear Hurting, it is going to be 6 month for me on the 25 of August and I am having my usual dark days again. I hope you doing okay!"
Aug 21, 2010
Fernandohulya left a comment for Randolph L. Schrader
"I know we are never going to be the same without our soulmates but we need to be okay so we can look after the family we have. I sincerely hope that our remaining life with our families we can achieve something good so they can be proud of us."
Aug 21, 2010

Profile Information

Fernando's Lungs

My husband and I got married in 1994 October, we have two children and love both animals. He is my love of my live. We felt that we grew as a couple and I have to say that there is always going to be a bond that I can not desribe in any kind of words. I totally trust him and he does me but I failed. I failed because he passed away on the Ferbuary 2010.

The last couple of years were the most difficult I have experinced. Since our son Lee start walking there was something wrong with his walking and I had to fight around ten years to find out he had a bone growth (bone tumor, benign) in his upper right joint leg (size of a grapfruit). We both pushed to get him seen and he got a place in Oxford (Oxford is not that good is just hipe, total snops), the Surgeon was ok and done his best and our son Lee started healing. Sadly he got an infection (registrar a total twatt) so this brought stress to my husband more than I anticipated. I blieve that gave him a real fright and headache. Anyway, this got sorted out after nearly, well all of my sons live, around 8 years. This only took so long because the NHS and the english Dr seem to think they know best before a mother. I was brought up in Germany and I met good and bad but here UK is something else.

Also our neighbours are real friendly 'scum', they love to harden their children (dogs are not allowed to be aggresive so why are the children so dam evil). My neighbours pretend to care but the fact is they have a sad live. I can not be bothered to be nosey as I have more important issues. I am not a snop but I think that I have problems on my own to snop around others. I just want to be good and friendly, and I can not or will be pulled in idyle gossip. I have stoped talking to them. The children here play football regardless of respecting other peoples properties and the parents are lazy to do something and guess what instead to take them to playground they go to weight watchers. I just do not understand this world. Why have children?


My problem is that I still believe that my Fernando that is journey could have been avoided or even survived longer but in the eyes of the oncologist (most of them medical bible bashers) and Cancer Research UK(support the PINK ribbion and fails to see the other colours the wider picture) as they support the Dr instead to fight for the patient. The MacMillian nurse suppose to be on the patients side but the fact they are not they just re-inforce the Dr orders. Sadly the Uk medical physicans have lost their way by selling their patients to big pharma and their precious reputations. The fact is that the Dr and Oncologist run a business. God for bid! Sorry if I offended someone but I think that the medical establishment put most Dr the idea that they are! My husband got refused treatment and then when I asked for a second opinion i got ranked! The Royal Marsden did not want to upset Oxford churchill (snob) oncologist twatt. The first oncologist called, funny name but he does scare me his face 'Gildersleeve", please stay away from him! Also his 'good friend' Dr Lisner. She holded my husbands hands and told him she could help him die nicely ( I should have offered the same choice).

I will stop now because I think this is to much for anyone.

Lung Cancer is so overlooked and the thing is that it is killing so many so fast!

I love to give each and everyone who has fought against this disease with the loved ones a big hug!


Fernandohulya's Blog

3 MONTH since....

Posted on May 25, 2010 at 11:08am 4 Comments

It is three month now! I feel this nightmare is not ending for me 'just being here' without my Baby Fernando. I am still figuring out what I supposed to do, apart from making everyone aware of Lung Cancer and wanting to fight against the medical establishment. But what about Fernando and me we suppose to be together forever growing old so we can see our children bringing up our grandchildren and then we can fulfill the duty we so looked forward to 'spoiling' our gandkids rotten and smile when… Continue

Comment Wall (37 comments)

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At 1:50pm on October 6, 2010, Randolph L. Schrader said…
this is a test only.
At 1:47pm on October 6, 2010, Randolph L. Schrader said…
This is a test only Hulya.
At 10:09am on September 16, 2010, Basia said…
Hi, I hope you are ok. And that your children are doing ok. My oldest daughter (15) has completely shut down. She won't mention her Dad and will walk out of the room if he's talked about. My boys are managing and sometimes will talk about their Dad but not often. My youngest daughter is doing better (i think anyways, but i am not an expert). We were watching tv the other day and there was a scene where a grown woman was calling her dad and my daughter said
"she too old to have a dad". She is so heartbroken, she was her dad's "monkey".
And myself , i am not doing much, just crying for hours, the pain doesn't go away, it just gets worse.
Everything is so hard. In August it was Terry's 43rd birthday. He wanted an itouch for his birthday. He couldn't wait so he bought me one for my birthday and then he used it most of the time.LOL
Our anniversary is next month. That will be hard.
Anyways , sorry for rumbling on. I am thinking of you and your family. love and hugs.
At 12:06am on September 16, 2010, Hurting said…
I will pray for you. My oldest son is so angry and was asking me how come all my friends have dad and I don't. My youngest one will come in my room and tell me quietly, 'Mom, I miss dad'. What do I say I am missing him too. I had gone for counselling after 8 weeks but that time it was too raw. Tell me how it works for you and then I will think about it too.
At 6:57pm on September 10, 2010, Hurting said…
How are you doing?
At 7:33pm on August 25, 2010, Basia said…
Hope you and your children are holding up somehow today on this hard day. Stay strong. Stand together.
At 8:17am on August 25, 2010, Hurting said…
Fernandohulya Hi! I know today is very tough but hang on there. I will be thinking of you and sending some strength your way.
At 9:29pm on August 24, 2010, Hurting said…
Fernandohulya Hi! I have been away for a month. Went back home to take my husband's ashes to holy river. I met his relatives back home who are a lot better then his family here. They all actually hurt with me and cried with me. Here my brother in laws and my father in law that my husband supported for all those years are all living for today. My father in law (90 years old) didn't want to accompany me because he was scared that he would die. So it was just my kids and I. We went to all his places from his childhood till he came here. We met all his friends and just talked about him. There he was everywhere and here I feel so alone.
At 6:50pm on August 23, 2010, Basia said…
Thinking of you. Hope you and your children are doing better day by day.
At 7:24pm on August 20, 2010, Randolph L. Schrader said…
Hi Hulya, daughter is fine and back to her own ways. Havent seen her in a month. I guess she is avoiding me. Things are not okay. As you very well know, without our spouse we are not okay.Hugs to you.Hugs are good.

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