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Fernando's Lungs

My husband and I got married in 1994 October, we have two children and love both animals. He is my love of my live. We felt that we grew as a couple and I have to say that there is always going to be a bond that I can not desribe in any kind of words. I totally trust him and he does me but I failed. I failed because he passed away on the Ferbuary 2010.

The last couple of years were the most difficult I have experinced. Since our son Lee start walking there was something wrong with his walking and I had to fight around ten years to find out he had a bone growth (bone tumor, benign) in his upper right joint leg (size of a grapfruit). We both pushed to get him seen and he got a place in Oxford (Oxford is not that good is just hipe, total snops), the Surgeon was ok and done his best and our son Lee started healing. Sadly he got an infection (registrar a total twatt) so this brought stress to my husband more than I anticipated. I blieve that gave him a real fright and headache. Anyway, this got sorted out after nearly, well all of my sons live, around 8 years. This only took so long because the NHS and the english Dr seem to think they know best before a mother. I was brought up in Germany and I met good and bad but here UK is something else.

Also our neighbours are real friendly 'scum', they love to harden their children (dogs are not allowed to be aggresive so why are the children so dam evil). My neighbours pretend to care but the fact is they have a sad live. I can not be bothered to be nosey as I have more important issues. I am not a snop but I think that I have problems on my own to snop around others. I just want to be good and friendly, and I can not or will be pulled in idyle gossip. I have stoped talking to them. The children here play football regardless of respecting other peoples properties and the parents are lazy to do something and guess what instead to take them to playground they go to weight watchers. I just do not understand this world. Why have children?


My problem is that I still believe that my Fernando that is journey could have been avoided or even survived longer but in the eyes of the oncologist (most of them medical bible bashers) and Cancer Research UK(support the PINK ribbion and fails to see the other colours the wider picture) as they support the Dr instead to fight for the patient. The MacMillian nurse suppose to be on the patients side but the fact they are not they just re-inforce the Dr orders. Sadly the Uk medical physicans have lost their way by selling their patients to big pharma and their precious reputations. The fact is that the Dr and Oncologist run a business. God for bid! Sorry if I offended someone but I think that the medical establishment put most Dr the idea that they are! My husband got refused treatment and then when I asked for a second opinion i got ranked! The Royal Marsden did not want to upset Oxford churchill (snob) oncologist twatt. The first oncologist called, funny name but he does scare me his face 'Gildersleeve", please stay away from him! Also his 'good friend' Dr Lisner. She holded my husbands hands and told him she could help him die nicely ( I should have offered the same choice).

I will stop now because I think this is to much for anyone.

Lung Cancer is so overlooked and the thing is that it is killing so many so fast!

I love to give each and everyone who has fought against this disease with the loved ones a big hug!


Fernandohulya's Blog

3 MONTH since....

Posted on May 25, 2010 at 11:08am 4 Comments

It is three month now! I feel this nightmare is not ending for me 'just being here' without my Baby Fernando. I am still figuring out what I supposed to do, apart from making everyone aware of Lung Cancer and wanting to fight against the medical establishment. But what about Fernando and me we suppose to be together forever growing old so we can see our children bringing up our grandchildren and then we can fulfill the duty we so looked forward to 'spoiling' our gandkids rotten and smile when… Continue

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At 1:50pm on October 6, 2010, Randolph L. Schrader said…
this is a test only.
At 1:47pm on October 6, 2010, Randolph L. Schrader said…
This is a test only Hulya.
At 10:09am on September 16, 2010, Basia said…
Hi, I hope you are ok. And that your children are doing ok. My oldest daughter (15) has completely shut down. She won't mention her Dad and will walk out of the room if he's talked about. My boys are managing and sometimes will talk about their Dad but not often. My youngest daughter is doing better (i think anyways, but i am not an expert). We were watching tv the other day and there was a scene where a grown woman was calling her dad and my daughter said
"she too old to have a dad". She is so heartbroken, she was her dad's "monkey".
And myself , i am not doing much, just crying for hours, the pain doesn't go away, it just gets worse.
Everything is so hard. In August it was Terry's 43rd birthday. He wanted an itouch for his birthday. He couldn't wait so he bought me one for my birthday and then he used it most of the time.LOL
Our anniversary is next month. That will be hard.
Anyways , sorry for rumbling on. I am thinking of you and your family. love and hugs.
At 12:06am on September 16, 2010, Hurting said…
I will pray for you. My oldest son is so angry and was asking me how come all my friends have dad and I don't. My youngest one will come in my room and tell me quietly, 'Mom, I miss dad'. What do I say I am missing him too. I had gone for counselling after 8 weeks but that time it was too raw. Tell me how it works for you and then I will think about it too.
At 6:57pm on September 10, 2010, Hurting said…
How are you doing?
At 7:33pm on August 25, 2010, Basia said…
Hope you and your children are holding up somehow today on this hard day. Stay strong. Stand together.
At 8:17am on August 25, 2010, Hurting said…
Fernandohulya Hi! I know today is very tough but hang on there. I will be thinking of you and sending some strength your way.
At 9:29pm on August 24, 2010, Hurting said…
Fernandohulya Hi! I have been away for a month. Went back home to take my husband's ashes to holy river. I met his relatives back home who are a lot better then his family here. They all actually hurt with me and cried with me. Here my brother in laws and my father in law that my husband supported for all those years are all living for today. My father in law (90 years old) didn't want to accompany me because he was scared that he would die. So it was just my kids and I. We went to all his places from his childhood till he came here. We met all his friends and just talked about him. There he was everywhere and here I feel so alone.
At 6:50pm on August 23, 2010, Basia said…
Thinking of you. Hope you and your children are doing better day by day.
At 7:24pm on August 20, 2010, Randolph L. Schrader said…
Hi Hulya, daughter is fine and back to her own ways. Havent seen her in a month. I guess she is avoiding me. Things are not okay. As you very well know, without our spouse we are not okay.Hugs to you.Hugs are good.

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