Guilt is part of grieving. Over time you will have thoughts that will come to you where you question yourself. I had them with my husband, I should have made him go to the doctors, I should have made him stick to his diet, I should have made him stop smoking. With my Mom, I've have the What if I'd I've had her come stay with me, maybe I should have pushed for more tests that could have done more to help her................but with time you do realize that their passing was all part of God's plan! Each of us is ultimately responsible for ourselves. I couldn't change my husband, he had to at the end of the day make his own choices for how he took care of himself. Now looking back, he lived his life the way he wanted too. My mom the same. You say, you always called Jen when something was bothering you..........well you can still talk to her, She'll be listening.......She may not be able to answer you as she used to,,,,,but I truly believe that God surrounds us with the ones we love and who have gone on before us. They are our Guardian Angels. Each day will get better Kristin. Always remind yourself that you aren't alone...... Delete Comment

Kristin,
It's only been 3 months. With my husband I think I cried for 9 months, a song, a commercial, a memory, anything would set me off. I would be driving in the car, at work, it didn't matter. Crying is a release........there is nothing wrong with it, and 3 months is not any length of time at all. My Mom has been gone 2 and 1/2 years now, and my sisters and I all still have moments where we cry because something reminds us how much we miss her. That is love, we are blessed to have the capacity to love someone, but with that love comes great pain when we loose them. Allow yourself the privilege to grieve, to miss her. She will always be in your heart. You were friends for 21 years, that connection and the pain of loss doesn't just go away. I assume you keep busy, work? As long as you go on with routine things you're going to be ok, you will fill detached like you aren't even a part of life. You feel like you are just existing. But you keep on going and you keep on living and little by little, you do come back to life. But it's not going to come quickly. Hugs for you Kristin.

Kristin,
I lost my husband in 1998, My father in 2000, and my mother in 2007. There is NO rule as to how long you should cry for someone. There is nothing wrong with you because you cry. You lost someone special to you. It hurts. There isn't a night that I don't want to pick up the phone and call my mother and tell her how my day was. And then reality slaps you in the face. It's ok to smile, to laugh you aren't denying your friend. God had a plan. It isn't ours to question.
Remember that we are all where we are in life for a reason. Somethings we learn from, some times we are helping someone, sometimes we are the ones that need to be comforted. Did you have any mutual friends? Maybe you could all get together and share special stories about your friend....everyone remembers something different about the same person. It helps to learn how other people remember the same friend. You can all share and smile when you remember happy times.