It will be two year's next month since my wife passed away. I see her family living life like nothing happened. I know life goes on but I am having a hard time and I still struggle every day. Am I doing something wrong? Is there something wrong with me? Others have gotten over it and I can't.
I feel that one of the worst things a person can say is, your loved one is in a better place. I'm sure they mean well and I'm sure heaven is a beautiful place to be, but I can't think of a better place then to be back with the person missing them..
Missing my wife so much. Next month it will be two years since she passed away at the age of 40. She had never been to the doctor and was not sick. She had taken my mom shopping and while walking through Meijer she just collapsed and died of a heart attack. I was at work when I got the phone call, I was told she had a seizure and I needed to get to the hospital now. I had a 45 minute drive to get there and my mom didn't want me to know what had happened because I had to drive. On the way there… Continue
Hello Greg, just checking up, haven't seen any more posts, hope you are okay, I haven't been posting much either but I do go on the site & read up on all that do post, for me, simply not getting any easier, this week has been particularly bad, because I miss my honey too much, had to make some decisions about the house that were tough for me without his guidance & every little thing triggers a crying spell that lasts pretty long, but I know you know how & what I am feeling.
Thanks for the condolences. I appreciate that. I am SO glad to hear you have finally gotten to the point of reaching out to people. I too find that hard and did the exact same thing when ask how I was doing. My standard answer was always, I'm fine, thanks!! Church definitely helped. I couldn't go back to the one where my hubby and I went too. I just couldn't walk that aile again after meeting him at the end of it for the final time. But our associate Pastor had gotten his own church and I started going there. The Pastor your going to see should be able to help you work through things, Not easily, but better since he can provide some steps of how to get through the grieving and still move on. I know how hard it is to talk to family and friends about this stuff. Someone who hasn't been there has NO CLUE how to help you. Not there fault, just not the experience you need with this. It's even hard for me or others to provide any advise, just because we all haver our different ways of loosing our spouses. Mine had lung cancer. We fault it off twice, even having a lung removed. However, when it came back the third time, there was nothing we could do. So we did get to spend time in the end knowing it was coming and putting alot of unsaid things to rest. I can't imagine your pain of loosing her so suddenly. Our stories are different, but there is still a bond we share and if I can be of just a little tiny bit of help, I'll be glad too. I hope you can find just one little tiny thing to smile at today. That's a start. Take care. Donna
Thank you, Greg, for your advice. I have tried to open up, but I find that very few people around me can really understand what I am dealing with. I can be doing fairly well one day and the next I am back in the dark place where everything feels wrong...just horribly wrong.
You sound so much like us. Ben worked too much and too hard. Not for money, really, more for my security. He didn't want me to have to worry about things. We both grew up very poor and he didn't want that for our children. The result is the same, though. We didn't get to do all of the great things we were going to do 'someday'.
My husband was a motorcycle rider. His one big selfish purchase in our marriage was a Harley he bought a few years ago. He loved that stupid thing and I am grateful that he got it. It makes me feel good to remember how happy he was in the last few years riding on the weekends. I don't ride but we were talking about building me a trike and we were going to trade our family camper in on a small motorhome and tow our bikes all around the U.S. I was plotting out courses to all the different state parks. But, here I sit staring at that bike that no one rides anymore. I just can't get rid of it.
I have thought a lot about finding another church, but my husband was our pastor. He was a great leader.
I looked for signs that I might have missed, but there is just no way to predict what happened to him. I couldn't see it coming. But, I don't know if I would be any different now even if I had known it was going to happen. I would still be angry. I would still feel lost, I think. He was my partner. We were a team. I don't want someone else, I want him. I know people mean well when they say things like that to me, but I also think they didn't understand that he was more than my husband. He was my partner and my best friend, my true 'one'. There is a reason why the call them 'the one'.
I am still looking for a counselor. The last one I went to barely spoke during our sessions. He just kept making noises, like 'hmmm' and 'ohh'. It really started getting on my nerves so I stopped going. I will start looking for another one, today.
I don't think about hurting myself, I just find myself thinking that I don't care if I never wake up again. But It isn't in me to give up, I am too stubborn for that. I know that God will make a way for me to get through this.
Women don't have the same symptoms as men do when they have heart trouble. It can be very tricky for us. But, that doesn't mean you did something wrong. My husband never went to the doctor, he didn't often need to. I don't think we could have prevented what happened to Ben, but it's hard to stop wondering if I had done something different maybe it would have changed things. But that isn't what I truly believe. I know that God has laid out the course of our lives long ago. Our time is already chosen, nothing I do can change that.
Thank you for your encouragement. I tell my oldest daughter all the time, "I will be okay. Just not today." I will get better, in time. We all will. I will never stop missing him, but I will get to a place where I can function without him. I hope you are getting there, too.