Helen Duncan Hutchinson
  • Aberdeen City
  • United Kingdom
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husband and wife

Posted on August 6, 2013 at 10:55am 0 Comments

I answered  a blog from Jane p who was very upset when a group she joined told her that we are no longer husbands and wives when we pas.   I answered it but it concerns me that a lot of you might be upset by this.   I certainly was.   I receive a newsletter every Friday from Victor Zammitt who has ben researching the afterlife for 20 odd years.   Anyone can sign up for it and sometimes I read the blogs and sometimes they are saying things I don't want to hear and don't listen.   On this…



Posted on July 26, 2013 at 2:33pm 0 Comments

Worry not Marsha.   I am older than you so you relax.



Posted on January 22, 2013 at 1:16pm 0 Comments

I had to come on today as since the new year, I have turned around and am heading back down to how I was when my husband died in 2010.   New Years day was always special for us.   We entertained my family (sister, 2 nieces and husbands) and any stray friends who had nowewhere else to go.   My husband loved playing mine host and was always the life and sould of the party and just loved this day.   Since my family have abandoned me  since he died (of no further use to them) there would be no…


losing family and friends

Posted on December 29, 2012 at 3:14pm 2 Comments

Since I first posted about my husbands death(it is now over 2 years since he died) I have been sent right back to the deepest grief because the only family I have, my sister (whom my husband and I took on holiday with us for over 16 years until his death, after her husband died) and my two nieces have deserted me and I am now losing many "friends" because I cannot come to terms with my husbands death.    We meant everything to each other and did everything together so where am I now supposed…


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At 9:46pm on November 16, 2013, Patricia said…
It was beyond moving and although it would have been something we would have enjoyed together, I do believe my Grandfather Small was right there holding me throughout.
As soon as the concert started I remembered his stories about that truce and the front trenches of WWI
At 9:40pm on November 16, 2013, Patricia said…
It does indeed seem beyond me to reinvent myself. Mainly I'm attempting to find a way to feel at home within myself and within all the sudden life changes.

I attended a concert tonight
All is Calm: The Christmas Truce of 1914 presented by Cantus
At 4:23pm on October 14, 2013, Anna May said…

Marsha I just wanted to pass along an article I hope you find helpful. You can read it on line at   http://www.jw.org/en/publications/magazines/w20131215/facing-loss-of-mate/

At 2:08pm on October 4, 2013, DesertDove said…


  ps   I don't always hv access to a Computer,  so it might take me

a few days to respond to you & our discussions   I ususally go to the Library   or McDonalds  where they have  "free"   Wifi    today I'm using the computer at the Clubhouse where I've been House sitting but   I leave this afternoon   thank you for friending me so we can talk.....    Dyan    desertdove

At 2:06pm on October 4, 2013, DesertDove said…

Hi  Helen...   also  here is my  e mail address: 


Have a blessed day......

    Dyan aka  desertdove 

At 10:53pm on September 29, 2013, Anna May said…
Wow, what a valid question you asked, "How in God's name do widows cope with this loss of friends and family just when you need them most"?

Wish it wasn't so true. The first thing that we have to come to grips about is that grief is as individual as a fingerprint. Grief is a journey that is traveled uniquely to each person, in manner and length of time. Also people cannot "know how you feel" because they simply are not you. I truly believe that we try to feel other's pain and we may even think we understand. However, in reality, we are feeling what WE felt in a similar situation. Additionally, relationships vary and they are unique.

You may enjoy a brochure that many have found helpful. You can read it on line at:

At 2:36pm on July 3, 2013, Angela Giallombardo said…


Thank you for worrying about me. I too, torment myself with thoughts of what if's and I should have. It's been 9 weeks for me and it seems it is getting harder. I still can't believe that he's really gone and I will never see him again. There are times that I wish it had been me, instead of him.

I found another site, Widowed Village which has helped me a lot. There is always somebody in the chat room and they are all very nice and understand just what I am going through. I even found a few girls from my area and hope to meet up with them one day soon. I don't know if it will ever happen, though.

My daughter keeps saying that she lost both of us because I'm not the same person that I was before. I don't think that I will ever be that person again. I miss my husband so very much. I hate this house now. He loved it so much and was so proud when he was able to buy me my own home. This is the first home that we ever owned.

Please take care of yourself and I promise that I will keep in touch more often.

At 3:25pm on June 21, 2013, Angela Giallombardo said…

Helen, Thank you for thinking of me. I know what you are saying about time. It will be 8 weeks, this coming Monday and I cry more now than in the beginning. I went for a haircut today in the place that we both went. That was difficult. The girl who cuts my hair, lost her husband the same way. He was only 44.  She, at least, was very understanding.  I guess, it's true that you have to walk in our shoes. I haven't really been out that much. Friends invite me to dinner but I refuse. I feel as if my life has been turned upside down. I really don't like this "new life". I think of you often, Helen and I hope that you are doing OK. I will keep in touch.

At 5:59pm on June 13, 2013, Jerry said…
Would you believe that a few people that know,me commented that when they called my house that I still have my wife's greeting on the machine. I have noticed that people I know don't leave messages any more. They hand up before the machine picks up.
At 6:15am on February 1, 2013, Jane P. said…

Helen, I lost both my parents and my husband within a short time of each other.  With no regrets,I was caregiver for them all and I too worked full time while doing all of this.   However eventually I had to retire when my husband became too ill and I could no longer juggle and  I was 56.  As I did, you too have hit a brick wall at 200 hundred miles an hour!  You go from having not a second to yourself to not knowing what to do with yourself because of all the time you seem to have now.  

My husband was my life, we had no children and I have no family to speak of so I AM ALONE!  I was so bad when he passed, in June, 2011,  I stayed in bed for days and only got up to feed and let my dogs out.  The difference between us, I knew I was headed in the wrong direction and sought help, and to date  I am still in counseling.  

I studied members of Alcoholic Anonymous  and why it worked for some and not others.  It all came down to 2 issues  1-you need to realize you have a problem 2 - you need to seek help and stay with it.  That is why AA is on going process because it is HARD. 

You need to believe in yourself to get to the other side of grief.  You need to listen to your psychologist and shun others who give you false hopes until you are capable of fulling comprehending what others are telling you.  You need to filter out facts from fiction.

In order for YOU to move forward you need to be willing to let go of grief. I am not telling you to forget I am telling you to let go. Talk to your psychologist and not your psychic one is a professional and the other is not.  Ask yourself if you were very ill would you seek a doctor trained in the profession to help you or would you ask a non professions grasping on magic?  

Helen, like a coin all have 2 sides to a story. But you need to look at each side of the story to come to a hypothesis. Only you can help yourself and only if you are willing to help yourself.  

You are in my prayers.  Hugs, Jane P 


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