James,

My sincerest condolences for your loss. My best advice to you is to forget about expecting any aid or relief from Legacy Connect or Facebook. Notice from the dates on postings that both are rarely contacted by people in similar situations of grief. Their members tend to contact you once and then drop by the wayside after offering platitudes. Would strongly suggest you check out www.meetup.com for an LGBT Widowers and Widows Grief Group in the Chicago area that has face-to-face meetings of your peers to share experiences in going through the very same situations we all must pass through after the loss of our spouses. I hope you can find such a group in your area and take advantage of it as soon as possible. Good luck.

Steve