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  • Buena Park, CA
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Posted on May 25, 2013 at 10:47pm 1 Comment

I lost my husband to a massive stroke in March. He had complained of a bad headache but didn't want to go to the doctor. This went on for 5 days until one night he had a stroke. I was supposed to take care of him. It's my fault he's gone. I've made him go to the doctor before. Why didn't I this time. I cry every night in bed and when I wake for a few seconds I think it was just a dream then reality hits and I cry some more.

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At 1:37pm on February 7, 2014, Helen Duncan Hutchinson said…


Buy yourself a valentine card from you to your husband.   I have been doing that for Christmas, birthdays and valentines day for four years now.   May not help but it can't hurt can it?


At 3:56pm on May 30, 2013, MaggieP said…

You are welcome Jan.  I had many issues to deal with too.  I was feeling extremely guilty one day and couldn't stop crying.  I opened up a book by Earl Grollman titled Living when a loved one has died.

I found the passage on guilt, and at the end it said

Awise member of the clergy once said, "I believe that God forgives you. 

The question is: Will you forgive yourself?"   I read the whole thing several times, and that last part stuck with me.  I was creating the guilt, and could not forgive myself.  Once I accepted that, my guilt got less.  It didn't disappear, but it wasn't so intense. 

You need to forgive yourself for having made the right decisions at a time when the last thing we want is to have to decide anything!


Hugs to you Jan.  Keep taking baby steps, let the tears fall, and let the wound in your soul heal. 

At 10:02am on May 26, 2013, Diane C said…

Hi Jan,

I am so sorry for your loss and that you have to join our group. It is a great group to join and they are always here to help us. I lost my husband on 8-1-12 to Pancreatic Cancer. He survived 1 year after his diagnosis. There is a mix of ages and we have both widows and widowers. But as I said they are all wonderful. And just reading the blogs will help you, on the days you do not want to chat.

You need to click on the Bereaved Spouses group and you can read all of our comments. You can also introduce yourself and join in the conversations whenever you choose. The top of the page is where you leave your comments. Let me know if you have any other problems.

At 9:23am on May 26, 2013, Janice F. said…
  • Hi Jan.  Sorry you have to be here and so sorry for your loss.  It is not your fault.  I think that feeling is something most of us have at first.  My husband Don had been to his kidney dr on June 24,2012.  I noticed an alarmingly high number on the cardiac part of his lab work.  I begged him to call the cardiologist right away but he wouldn't.  Said he had an appt next week.  But on June 26 he didn't wake up.  I blamed myself for a long time.  A counselor made me see that I couldn't have changed it.  I hope you come over to the forum, lots of people there to talk to...who can help and will understand, as we are all where you are.
  • God Bless, and Peace to your heart.

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