Thanks Denise, I find the sense of being alone the hardest part too. David took care of so much and now dealing with all the decisions and everything is so overwhelming sometimes. I am glad you have a close friend to spend time together. Most of my friends still have there husbands and really don't understand. I guess I was guilty of that too when David was here. Oh, I felt so bad for a few that had lost their husbands but you never really know until you walk in there shoes. One was the only one I knew and she lives out of state so I never really understood. Thanks for the kind words and I pray we will all find peace and joy again in our lives. Jan
I just read your post and my heart goes out to you...I lost my husband in October 09 of Lung cancer...He was diagnosed in August...I didn't have time to try and accept the fact that he had cancer and he was gone..I know exactly what your going through...My Rob was the love of my life and we did everything together...I still cry everyday....I miss him so much and sometimes just don't have the energy to do anything....I am spending time with a close friend of mine (40years) who just lost her husband from cancer this past January...We comfort each other....We find that we feel the same about not having our lover one with us....The sense of being so alone is the emotion that we find the hardest...I hope that you will find some peace...I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers....
I just wanted to add that I also live in VA - Hampton Roads area. So far, I haven't been responding with anyone from my area... I can agree that in your 11th day that things are really hard. I still well remember those days...I am still in a bit of just going through the motions of living and wondering why I didn't go first. He was much stronger than me.
I fell compelled to respond to you. My husband also died of Pancreatic Cancer - Nov2, 2009. It is still difficult, but I think I am making my way throught. We were married for 39 yrs and have 3 grown children. He has always been the love of my life and we were very close. Billy knew he didn't have a lot of time left and he tried to do everything he could to ensure that I would be ok. Often he said "I love You" just in case it was the last oportunity. He will be in my heart forever and no one will every take his place in my heart!!!
I would love to hear from you! While we were fighting this Pancreatic Cancer we had no one to talk to about it, what to expect or anyone going through it. We were so alone in this journey! I denied it for a long time! Was in shock for probably the first month, and I still feel like he should be coming home from work soon.
Look for ward to hearing from you. You can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Jane, the comment I just read that you wrote about your husband could have been written by me, as a matter of fact I have said those exact words to my friends many times. The only difference is that my husband died very suddenly 8 weeks ago. We came home from work (we worked together) and had also been Christmas shopping and bought ourselves new cell phones that day and everything was normal and perfect, he went downstairs to feed the dogs and when I went downstairs less than 10 minutes later he was dead. The ME said that his heart had ruptured and he had died instantly, he was only 47. I have cried for hours every day and all the joy in my life is gone, I talk to him and stare at his pictures and I don't want to go anywhere or do anything. I've been reading a lot of books about grief and also heaven and I know there will never be anyone else for me....I will remain his wife and faithful to him until I leave this world to be at his side again. You can email me at email@example.com if you want to talk.
Jane, I have just read your post. I am Debbie from Alabama. I lost my fiance to colon cancer on June 20, 2009. I met him 45 years ago; we each had a marriage-mine ending in divorce in 2002 and his ending with his wife's passing in early 2007. We reconnected early Summer 2007 and had spent every waking moment together since then! He was diagnosed with colon cancer April 2008. He was my one and only true love ever, Jane! I have every feeling you have described. Please feel free to write me at firstname.lastname@example.org any time. I am also trying to now make sense of my life without him. May God bless you and keep you in His loving care!!