Dear Jeanette ...

As you have said your children don't see you that often and get on with their own lives.  It's sad they can't be happy for you getting married again, but then again more often it's the sons who feel strange their mother is remarrying although I'm sure your daughter may feel the same.  Luckily they said they would come to the wedding, but would be miserable,  This is a red flag for you!  I would have a talk with your children and tell them that no one can replace their father and that your fiance is not trying to replace him.  Also let them know straight up they have a life and you have every right to have a life of your own.  There is nothing wrong with getting married again and they should be happy for you.  Jeanette, stand strong on this one, have your beautiful wedding and start a new life again.  You will always have wonderful memories of your husband, but he is gone and you are left behind.  You are so lucky to have met someone you love and who loves you so don't let your children stand in the way.  Enjoy your wedding and don't let your children ruin that day for you.  

Marsha

I’m not quite sure how to respond to your email, but I have some thoughts I’d like to share, as a widow, bereaved mother, and Episcopal priest, so I’ll try this method.

Those both sound like lovely ideas to me. The kids and/or your fiancé might have ideas as well. A toast to your late husband by your new husband at the reception? Altar flowers dedicated to your late husband’s memory? Your minister might have ideas. 

Jeanette:  He sounds like a keeper, but I do understand your hesitation.  Be honest with him; really sit down and tell him how you feel.  Let him know that grief just doesn't disappear in a year or more and that you will know when the time is right.  He seems like a patient man and I'm sure he's willing to just be around you.  The fact he obviously feels love for you (this is common because he's been such a great friend to your family) he will remain just that so you are not stressed.  Nothing wrong with going for a drink, dinner or perhaps you, he and the children can do some fun things.  He sounds like the type of man who will wait and if it should turn out he is not what you want although somewhat upset he will back off.  For now, don't let him get away and be sure he knows it's a friendship basis at this point in time.  I am very lonely and wish I had a friend like that so rethink all of this.  He sounds like a very patient man.  That's the sort of man most women would like.  Also be blunt in telling him you don't like to rushed making any decisions at the present time about the two of you.  Good luck!

Thank you. 

Good morning Jeanette its Denise.  I hope you get my message. I'm still learning how to respond and pick up messages so forgive me slowness. I wonder how you are coping these days. Coping Jeanette is actually a skill and it can be a difficult one during times of distress.  One thing that really helps though is writing. An article I read regarding the best help for those who grieve said the bible is timeless when it comes to comfort. It contains dependable advice and can bring immeasurable comfort to those who grieve. I'm so thankful to know that there is a better future for us. Imagine the time when those in the grave will be brought back to life on earth, 

revelation 21:3,4 menti ones that.  Such comfort this has given my heart