Pancriatic Cancer was God's method of taking my husband on Nov. 2009. His was diagnosed 3 1/2 yrs ago followed by the whipple procedure. He did not take chemo because he felt he was too weak and frail and them chemo would kill him. He got better for a while. He wondered why he was spared, then decided God still had something for him to do first. He gave of himself to so many people, then on Oct. 6, 2009 they told him he had 2 wks to 2 months left. He did not quite make it 4 wks.
I know how you feel about trying to respect your husbands wishes. I too have tried to follow the things I know that he would have wanted done. However, I know my husband loved me very much and wanted me to do some things for myself. Love allows for that.
My husband is in heaven looking down on me smiling and watching over me. He is still my angel and protector and lives in my heart and thoughts. Being married for 39 yrs, I feel that I know many things that he would aprove or disapprove of (just like your) but I think above all else they would want us to be as happy as we can be without them.
It is not the same level of happiness for sure, but I am looking for the new norm - my husband suffered for such a long time and really just wanted the pain to end and reach heaven.
Karen & Billie. Thank you for your responses and caring. I too, am sorry for your losses. I know what you mean about feeling incomplete, I think I keep trying to "complete" myself by staying busy and it feels fine while I am busy but sooner or later you have to sit down and then I find it difficult to get back up again. Have you experienced that feeling of "disloyalty" yet? When perhaps you are trying to fill the void and you think of something or want to do something that your spouse may not have been in favor of?
Hi Jen! I am so sorry about your loss. I too lost my husband to pancreatic cancer. He was diagnosed in July 07 and passed away in March 09. I also work in a hospital in CT. I have a lot of support of family and friends, but no one who really understands and has also gone through the loss of a spouse. Most of my friends are married with healthy relationships. I miss him so much. I am busy with work and my new grand-children when I can, twins - born 3 weeks after he died. But there is a strange lonliness and emptiness. I feel like something is missing and I cant find it. I feel incomplete. I am a believer in God and know that He is helping me through this time in my life, but it's the "getting through" part that is hard. We at least were prepared for his death, if you can be... It didn't make it easier though. If I can help, please sent me a note. I would love to hear from you!
Jen- I am so sorry for your loss. I can really relate as my husband passed away less than 4 months ago and I too thought I was doing well can really relate to what you are saying..its like I really am alone and he is really gone. Tim was the love of my life and we were together for 18 yrs. As time passes, friends and family stop calling or asking how you are doing and thats when you realize, he isn't coming back and that its just you..like you, I stay busy and travel with my job, so staying busy doesn't seem to be a problem, but at night when you are home alone, the nights seem to stretch out and I find myself staying up later and later then still getting up early..kind of crazy. This week I am working in Nashville..we used to live here and got married here too..very bittersweet. I understand and am here to lend a virtual shoulder to cry or lean on.