I lost my mother one year ago and it feels like it happened yesterday. I haven't been able to deal with it very well. I go through everyday like the day before but at the drop of a hat it hits me and I will start thinking about it and the tears will want to start. I thought it would be easier by now but it isn't.
hi jenn!!! wazzup!!! its been a long time..im enrolled myself in an associate course in computer studies so im a little bit bzy.eventhough im old now but still trying to fullfill my dreams..i am a little bit confused now in terms in financial since my dad left me but trying to fyt the crisis....whats your work by the way in there and how old are you?
Hi Jenn, Cathy Cooper here. You had asked how I am doing so I wanted you to know that I am doing a little better. I miss my dad every day but I am taking some natural remedies and exercising to try and lift my spirits. I cry here and there and know it will happen. I still feel like a lost child even at 47.
I hope you are well.
I so understand what you shared. I also wake up depressed realizing that my Mother is truly gone. Waking up to "that instant grief" like you said. I cannot imagine living the rest of my life never again seeing her. I understand your dilemma about staying in your Dad's room. My mother left me her house, and I'm trying to move into it. It's being tough. I'll be sleeping in her bedroom, not her bed though, my bed...and I wonder how I will do this. I'm trying to think that it will bring her closer to me rather than be more painful. But, like you, I'm not so sure. I'm so glad my words gave you comfort, though. I spoke from my heart and my experience because I know, without a doubt, that people choose their times to die. There's a wonderful book called Final Gifts written by 2 Hospice nurses. It helped me a lot. I think it might give you great comfort. As for me, this second month is being hard. I think the first 2 stages of grief are shock and denial. They seemed to be easier because I was just numb. I'm coming out of shock and it hurts to deal with how real this loss is. I feel like the fabric of my live has been torn. The next stage is depression, and I'm so solidly there now. I cry at the smallest moments and have been dragging around my home...no motivation, just blah.. How are you doing? Let me know how the weekend went staying in your Dad's room.
hi jenn...how r u? still now we cant really think our dad is gone...forever...we still fell hes in work and be in home at 5pm..its his off...we kept his stuff..we also kept his falling white hair and put in a box..we really cried a lot but we kept it for a remembrance for dad's part...even his last bottled of water..everything from him...i know that he will be proud to see us how we treasure him..i cant never forget him inspite his absence in my life before (coz he has another woman that's y he and mom separated )but i grew up in him.i still be thankful to him that he support us as long as he can although mostly we suffer some financial crisis before but still he's trying to feed us in our youngsters years..he may not let me finish my degree but still i am thankful and proud to have a dad like him..now hes gone ill try to come back to school and finish just 2years course so that one day when will meet i can boast him and proud that i am succesfull after he left me and at least he will be proud...still praying for help friend...xmas is approaching but i dont know to celebrate it..its our saddest xmas ever...keep in touch...god bless...
ur dad is lucky coz hes ready and he felt that death is near but my dad has no idea that hes leaving us coz we dont tell him his true situation...
Thank you for sharing about your father. Missing his final moments has to be so hard. Thinking about it, I don't think my mother knew I was there at the end. They withdraw so into themselves as they prepare for the transition and become very distant. I didn't even want to touch or hold her at all so as not to distract her then...and I had been holding and loving her all the time. I felt very helpless and powerless watching her go through the death process. That time was really all about her. With your dad, I know in my heart that they actually choose when they will go, and often they don't want you to be there for the end. My Dad did that with my mother when he died. She asked that he not go on Father's Day to save us, his kids, that pain...and he died the night before...but just when my mother had left the room. I feel your Dad did that. He could have waited until you all got there, but he didn't want you to see the final stage. That's the ultimate act of love from a father to his family. He took care of you. What a loving gesture. My Mom also tried to take care of me at her end by making sure certain friends and family watched over me. She had been very busy setting this up in her last days. I find great comfort in the fact that at their last days and hours they were thinking about us. The final minutes they needed to think about them.
This is what I know. The rest...missing my mother and living my life without her in it...that my heart is still trying to handle. I know my numbness is my body's way of handling this overwhelming pain. It just doesn't seem real yet...but it is. The realist thing there is. I'm done rambling...I hope this was helpful to you.
Your Dad sounds like he was very brave and you were brave too. It is hard to be I know. I was the same way, always putting on a brave front to him but when I walk away from the hospital I cried and cried and cried some more. He just turned 84 but he had the mind of a 40year old. He was still so smart and his memory fantastic. He still laughed and had fun when we visited him in the hospital but his body failed him. I miss him so much. I have a picture of him on my computer and tears fall down my face onto my lap when I look at him. I know he is with God in heaven though. He knew he was going there and was not afraid to die. He told my Mom he was ready. He knew he could not do more on earth. The only thing that comforts me is knowing he is pain free in heaven and watching over me. I have to think of that always so I can function each day. I want to stay in bed otherwise and just cry under my blankets but I know he would be mad if I did that. He would say "go and have fun with your kids" and so I am trying each day. It is hard work to go on but this is what I think about .
he was 62 years old..he doesnt know that he has cancer we didnt tell him. He always drink his medication on time bcoz he wants to be normal again.we will only cry in silence..Infront of him we are brave but in secret we will hide our tears..I missed him so much i have lots of things to say but i have no time ..I will just wait him to visit me in dreams and last night i dream of him but i didnt see his face only his voice telling me " NO MORE TEARS" IM SO FAR NOW" then i wake up..I guess its his message for us becoz we are all so sad now..this is the saddest xmas ever....maybe we can chat sometime if you have yahoomessenger...my ym is mae_osmena2yahoo.com....tc