I lost my mother one year ago and it feels like it happened yesterday. I haven't been able to deal with it very well. I go through everyday like the day before but at the drop of a hat it hits me and I will start thinking about it and the tears will want to start. I thought it would be easier by now but it isn't.

thank for sending me a message it is very hard stressful and confusing losing somebody you love. i would like 2 stay in touch i could use all the support i could get.

hi jenn!!! wazzup!!! its been a long time..im enrolled myself in an associate course in computer studies so im a little bit bzy.eventhough im old now but still trying to fullfill my dreams..i am a little bit confused now in terms in financial since my dad left me but trying to fyt the crisis....whats your work by the way in there and how old are you?
tc

Hi Jenn, Cathy Cooper here. You had asked how I am doing so I wanted you to know that I am doing a little better. I miss my dad every day but I am taking some natural remedies and exercising to try and lift my spirits. I cry here and there and know it will happen. I still feel like a lost child even at 47.
I hope you are well.

im sorry about your loss! my mother passed away a year ago and its very difficult still. i dont think it gets easier witth time.. any way im sorry!

I so understand what you shared. I also wake up depressed realizing that my Mother is truly gone. Waking up to "that instant grief" like you said. I cannot imagine living the rest of my life never again seeing her. I understand your dilemma about staying in your Dad's room. My mother left me her house, and I'm trying to move into it. It's being tough. I'll be sleeping in her bedroom, not her bed though, my bed...and I wonder how I will do this. I'm trying to think that it will bring her closer to me rather than be more painful. But, like you, I'm not so sure. I'm so glad my words gave you comfort, though. I spoke from my heart and my experience because I know, without a doubt, that people choose their times to die. There's a wonderful book called Final Gifts written by 2 Hospice nurses. It helped me a lot. I think it might give you great comfort. As for me, this second month is being hard. I think the first 2 stages of grief are shock and denial. They seemed to be easier because I was just numb. I'm coming out of shock and it hurts to deal with how real this loss is. I feel like the fabric of my live has been torn. The next stage is depression, and I'm so solidly there now. I cry at the smallest moments and have been dragging around my home...no motivation, just blah.. How are you doing? Let me know how the weekend went staying in your Dad's room.

hi jenn...how r u? still now we cant really think our dad is gone...forever...we still fell hes in work and be in home at 5pm..its his off...we kept his stuff..we also kept his falling white hair and put in a box..we really cried a lot but we kept it for a remembrance for dad's part...even his last bottled of water..everything from him...i know that he will be proud to see us how we treasure him..i cant never forget him inspite his absence in my life before (coz he has another woman that's y he and mom separated )but i grew up in him.i still be thankful to him that he support us as long as he can although mostly we suffer some financial crisis before but still he's trying to feed us in our youngsters years..he may not let me finish my degree but still i am thankful and proud to have a dad like him..now hes gone ill try to come back to school and finish just 2years course so that one day when will meet i can boast him and proud that i am succesfull after he left me and at least he will be proud...still praying for help friend...xmas is approaching but i dont know to celebrate it..its our saddest xmas ever...keep in touch...god bless...
ur dad is lucky coz hes ready and he felt that death is near but my dad has no idea that hes leaving us coz we dont tell him his true situation...

Thank you for sharing about your father. Missing his final moments has to be so hard. Thinking about it, I don't think my mother knew I was there at the end. They withdraw so into themselves as they prepare for the transition and become very distant. I didn't even want to touch or hold her at all so as not to distract her then...and I had been holding and loving her all the time. I felt very helpless and powerless watching her go through the death process. That time was really all about her. With your dad, I know in my heart that they actually choose when they will go, and often they don't want you to be there for the end. My Dad did that with my mother when he died. She asked that he not go on Father's Day to save us, his kids, that pain...and he died the night before...but just when my mother had left the room. I feel your Dad did that. He could have waited until you all got there, but he didn't want you to see the final stage. That's the ultimate act of love from a father to his family. He took care of you. What a loving gesture. My Mom also tried to take care of me at her end by making sure certain friends and family watched over me. She had been very busy setting this up in her last days. I find great comfort in the fact that at their last days and hours they were thinking about us. The final minutes they needed to think about them.

This is what I know. The rest...missing my mother and living my life without her in it...that my heart is still trying to handle. I know my numbness is my body's way of handling this overwhelming pain. It just doesn't seem real yet...but it is. The realist thing there is. I'm done rambling...I hope this was helpful to you.