It has been only a few weeks since my mom passed. Some days I am ok, others I miss her so much! Yesterday and today have been particularly tough. I mentioned in my first post that my mom's sister and family have very insensitive. To this day, we (my dad and I) have not received any calls of condolence. My dad began to clean out some of my mom's clothing from her dresser drawers and stumbled upon an envelope marked "to my family when I die". Inside was a beautiful letter written that addressed me, my dad and my 14 year old daughter (her only grandchild). It basically told of how much she loved us and how it was only because of us that she continued on with life. The letter was dated February 25, 2014 which was probably shortly after she had suffered her first of many strokes. At that time, I think she was still walking and talking and had complete control of her body. However, since my mom was a child, she suffered terribly with mental illness. In her late 20s and 30's it got much worse-to the point where she attempted suicide it seemed almost a half dozen times a year. When I was 13, she was admitted to a mental hospital for the first of many, many times throughout my life. She was there for 6 weeks. It was one of the hardest times of my life and surely, hers. She, like many other women, had been molested, some were strangers and some, sadly, were her family members. That, along with a chemical imbalance caused such great pain in her heart that made her feel life was not worth living. She was in and out of hospitals, slashed her wrists mostly, but even stabbed herself in the stomach and arms and legs and breasts. She tried hanging herself once, but obviously none of it was done successfully (I guess if she really wanted to end it all, she would have succeeded). All the time, to rid herself of the pain she felt from a terrible childhood. I guess if anyone read how poorly her family has treated us, it comes as no surprise that her family life was awful when she was growing up! So, in this letters she apologizes for hurting anyone. This woman, who gave her life (as troubled as it was in her own mind and heart) to me, her only child and all of her love and respect to my dad, the man she was married to for 47 years and with for 54 years (she was only 11 when she met and fell in love with my dad, who was 5 years her senior). To think that SHE was apologizing to ME for any pain she caused was remarkable! What a selfless person up until the end! Worrying about others. That's who she was. I think I am that way too, but much like my mom, I think we don't get the recognition for our good hearts and instead, are made to feel like WE are the ones with the problems and issues and somehow, things are OUR fault. I don't want to feel this way anymore. It's not fair. After all the drama with my mom's sister and my cousin planning the service without consulting or asking me or my dad our feelings or asking who of my mom's friends we should invite, I thought it was over and I could finally grieve and mourn properly and at my pace. Instead, I get a text from my cousin making me look like the bad guy and scorning me for my not going to their "beautiful service" and accusing me of feeling guilty! Then, I block her # from my phone and today, get a call from her mother, my mom's sister who is 64 by the way! She leaves a voicemail saying "My son doesn't want to hear from you either. Have a good life". What?!!! I haven't even spoken to this son of hers in 10 years! Here I am minding my own business and they won't leave me alone! I've blocked their #s, but it's really been hard trying to forget this pain they are causing when they won't stop trying to lash out at me. Honestly, have I done something wrong? Is this how my mother would have wanted her family to treat her husband, only da
I do not know what has happened to our comment site, I happened across this by accident. My heart felt sorrow at your families loss. What a cliche...When someone close, leaves us, it brings forth all sorts of memories. They ebb and flow as the tides, carrying us along with them, unless we stand firm. When that is not possible, I hide in the park, hide in sewing, hide in wine (oops), and hide my feelings with the "world face". A place, a fragrance a song, can bring us a smile or a tear. or sometimes all of that all at once. Stay close t this site, as best you can. everyone here has been my major support for nearly 5 years. I came here to scream "Why", to cry when I knew I would never know WHY, to find encouragement when the days were big black holes.
You're Welcome Jennifer. I'm glad that you came across the original comment I left for you. When you mentioned that your dad was getting week do you mean emotionally or physical? You're dad is grieving the loss of your mother. Life changes when an immediate member such as the loss of a parent, spouse, child, sibling passes. I believe I told you about the loss of all the above. Just to let you know I am on legacy but the group for loss of a child is missing. I can't post there to members I correspond with on the site there; only see part of it. I have the 2 groups listed but I wonder what happened to the one I normally go on. This year is 26 years with loss of my dad 21 my only sibling Richie, 6 my only child Joe and 4 this Nov for my mother. This past Sunday my husband and I visited a family of relatives on my father's side. The family went out of their way with an incredible meal for us and it was appreciated by my husband and I. However, when I came home I felt an overwhelming surge of grief. Because I miss my immediate family so very much. On Monday I found myself grieving for my family and continued as a foodie. I eat too much when I feel lost and have no control. We never know when or how we will be affected. I refuse to stay on that path because I have various responsibilities in life and deadlines to meet for my garden club. Plus I don't want to go from a the size I am now to a higher size. Jennifer whenever you need someone just post and when I receive your message and I can respond. It's 10:30am here in New Jersey and I'm about to go to the kitchen then at 11am my husband and I have what we call our coffee clutch. Please feel comfortable to tell me a little bit about yourself. I'm a people person and like to help others. We are all people helping people! Please extend my condolences to your dad. I have a family issue so I really do understand the hurt they caused for you and your dad. Live life as best as you can as I do.