Part of my neuro problem is rambling and memory and cognitive issues. I forgot to say that I still have another 3 years of the long term disability insurance, but I also have Teachers retirement which under a disability will pay me the same benefits as if I retired. So if I get that and in another 11 months (if it's still around) I'll get medicare and can stop paying almost $500/month to COBRA my Insurance. If I didn't do the COBRA then any policy I took out would exclude existing conditions for 2 years.
My email is "fjdunn(at)satx(dot)rr(dot)com" I have to write it that way so people webcrawling for addresses will not get it but I think you know how it really is. I wanted to give that to you so if you are ever in dire fiscal shape and I can help, I will.
I apologize for saying what I said. I thought about it but then I thought how much it would hurt my son. I'm just living month to month right now with SSD and Long-Term Disability insurance for another 3 years or so but they subtract from my benefits what I get paid by SSD. I live in Texas and the homes are relatively inexpensive for a decent HOA neighborhood so I can pay my mortgage and have some left. Other than that I have no debt except the regular bills which I always pay at the beginning of the month whether I have their bill yet or not. I keep all the bills on a spreadsheet and put monthlys on it. I have to have that structure to keep from getting anxious over it as I also have PTSD and anxiety. I am also reclusive and my hair is past my shoulders now since I am to anxious to go to the barber.
I went through Catholic Schools and even have a stepbrother that is a priest, my mother and stepfather (my real father died at age 44, 5 years after he had his first stroke. When Rose passed away and I was her care giver as well as her husband and I feel I let her down. I so much want to meet with her again. I still don't go to church much unless it is something special or my stepbrother says the mass at one of our homes, but I had to start thinking of where my Rose is and how to best see her when I pass. So I have changed quite a bit that way but still wish he would just take me. I hope I don't hurt you saying this but just as my Rose passed and I didn't, I just have to think there is a reason. One of the stories that has been burned into my head is the story of Job. For that one story I always say to myself "We are all in Gods hands and a part of his plans" in good or bad times. Just like the rollercoaster of being married and life in general.
It's definitely OK to just have a good cry when you think of something or it's near the holidays or your "special days", I still wake up thinking she is here.
Jeri - if you want to scream, then go ahead and do it....the only rules I have made myself while trying to work through the loss of my daughter 10 months ago, is that I will scream, shout, cry, laugh...do whatever it takes for me to make it throught this !
i am so sorry to hear of your loss, i hope i can offer you some comfort. Keep in mind the scripture in Revelation 21:4 that says "God will wupe every tear from their eyes and death will be no more" i think of this scripture whenever i have a loss or i watch the news and see suffering. Suffering will soon end. Do you remember in the bible when Jesus came to earth? he performed miracles and brought people back to life. That was just a glimpse of the near future when our lost loved ones will be ressurrected!! Miss Jeri you are in my prayers. pray to Jehovah "the hearer of prayer"