Sorry to hear of your husbands passing. Try to get past the first few months,and not think about planning your own funeral. I am sure your husband would not like to hear of this. It has been 14 months since my wife passed away,there are some good days and some bad. It is not an easy journey,but you have to try and go on as best you can. This site has been a great help to me and others in the same situation. You and all the others are in my prayers.

Hey Joann,

Don't feel guilty when someone offers prayers on your behalf. God understands our feelings of sorrow & doubt and he promises to sustain us and give us peace as no man can. Jesus was so moved by the death of his friend Lazarus that he raised him from the dead. I copy/ pasted the following verse: "whoever sheds tears for a good man (deceased) the holy blessed God numbers them, and puts them into his treasures, according to Psalm 56:8;''  These tears will be turned into joy, and God will wipe them all away from the eyes of his people.

I know exactly what you are going through. My husband was "missing" on the job & I began praying that he would be found safe. Two verses came to my mind: (1) He shall live long upon the land that the Lord thy God has given thee. (2) In all things give thanks.

 I prayed with all my heart that even as things looked grim, I believed he would be found safe. I was wrong. I have struggled just as you are wondering could God's promise of long life be a lie? I feel betrayed somewhat by God, yet even as I say that I feel ashamed because I know God loves us more than we can imagine & He is the truth. So, I have to believe that Larry is living long upon the land that the Lord has given him, it's just not here with me. I have a problem with that, but one day I will understand & until then I must have 'faith.' Here is a prayer I copy/ pasted from a daily devotional- they really help me & I hope it helps you also:  

Dear God of patience, thank you for your constant love, that you are always waiting for us -- even when we fail to see you or to acknowledge you. Amen.

Hey Joann,

Don't feel guilty when someone offers prayers on your behalf. God understands our feelings of sorrow & doubt and he promises to sustain us and give us peace as no man can. Jesus was so moved by the death of his friend Lazarus that he raised him from the dead. I copy/ pasted the following verse: "whoever sheds tears for a good man (deceased) the holy blessed God numbers them, and puts them into his treasures, according to Psalm 56:8;''  These tears will be turned into joy, and God will wipe them all away from the eyes of his people.

I know exactly what you are going through. My husband was "missing" on the job & I began praying that he would be found safe. Two verses came to my mind: (1) He shall live long upon the land that the Lord thy God has given thee. (2) In all things give thanks.

 I prayed with all my heart that even as things looked grim, I believed he would be found safe. I was wrong. I have struggled just as you are wondering could God's promise of long life be a lie? I feel betrayed somewhat by God, yet even as I say that I feel ashamed because I know God loves us more than we can imagine & He is the truth. So, I have to believe that Larry is living long upon the land that the Lord has given him, it's just not here with me. I have a problem with that, but one day I will understand & until then I must have 'faith.' Here is a prayer I copy/ pasted from a daily devotional- they really help me & I hope it helps you also:  

Dear God of patience, thank you for your constant love, that you are always waiting for us -- even when we fail to see you or to acknowledge you. Amen.

Hi Joann:  I am so very sorry to hear you lost your husband too.  He was ill?  Your so young, as well as your husband. I too lost mine 8 months ago to a suddpen heart attack. One day here then gone forever. I totally understand where you are right now, I couldn't breathe, still smoking every day even though certain people nag me to quit. We were going to retire last month and travel, we're only 55. All my dreams gone. I could fill a lake with my tears, and pain is never ending. I went back to work after 8 weeks, it has helped at least while I'm there to get out of the hell I'm in. I also had to resort to anti-depressent after 6 months, I couldn't take any more. It has really helped the low lows. If I can be of any help, please feel free to write me. No one should have to suffer this kind of pain. I lost my mom when I was young, my sister when I was pregnant with my son, and my dad 10 years ago, now my husband. Enough is enough....

Patty

Joann, I know what you are talking about. After Dave died, my evenings were so empty, and Sunday was even more difficult. I finally set up a pattern of what I did in the evenings. We lived 30 miles fromm where I worked, so it took me close to an hour to drive home. It became a comfortable way of living. Now, I am living in the house i purchased before we got married, and it is three blocks from work. I have more time on my hand, no fireplace to build a fire in, and I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I have to start this all over, and I am so tired! Sign of depression, but I seem to function in public ok. Life is tough. Hugs to you, hugs are good!

We are so sorry you have been forced to join our "club". We will try to be here for you. I hope all the words spoken so far have been of some relief. This roller coaster ride is no fun but we have all been thru it and do so understand. Most of what I would say has been said by these wonderful people already so please re-read and do help yourself. Rest is very important. Taking care of YOU is very important to get you through this. Lots of hugs..

Joann, I'm so sorry for your loss! I understand how you feel. This site helped me to realize that I am not alone. A few years ago, my sister lost her husband suddenly. My husband and I hosted a memorial for her at our cabin on the lake. I overheard Dave telling her to go back to work as soon as possible. He acknowledged that she wouldn't be very productive, but it would be better for her than staying home in an empty house. When Dave died in early December last year, I remembered what he said. I went back to work, and got back into a somewhat normal rhythm. I know I was sleepwalking through life,b but it did help being around my work friends. They were patient and supportive.

Joann,
Hello, my condolences. You have found a great support group here- come anytime and spill it & someone will be there to encourage you or cry along with you. Everyone here is going through the same emotions, thoughts and processes you are. Life looses it's luster real quick & I think all of us struggle with going on in this world alone. Everyone is different yet we share very similar feelings & experiences. Sleep is almost non existent, family & friends can be scarce & simply don't understand unless they too have been there, & grocery shopping can be quite emotional for a lot of us. Eating habits change as do a lot of things that used to be routine. It's crazy. I also know exactly what you mean about not wanting to be alone yet not ready to be around anyone. We are caught in a vortex of time where things move fast & slow & we're just not comfortable anywhere with anyone much of the time. It has been 7 months for me & I am beginning to adjust. This is a long process & you will learn to survive in the present. Don't look to far ahead because it simply causes stress/anxiety & a lot of worry that typically proves to be nothing in the end- things like special dates/holidays and that type of thing. I hope this helps- try to breathe & take it slow & you will be o.k. My prayers are with you. Hugs, Christy