John I am so sorry for your loss. And yes grieving such as ours is gut wrenching.  I am currently 27 months into this and I HATE every second of being here.  I miss my husband so much he made me who I am today. And if he could see me babbling as I do he would be so annoyed at me!

John, your story was beautiful and the love just pored from your words.  Yes, you are correct we all have disagreements/arguments but life some how puts things back into reality but death changes the  perspective.  

Your grief is raw and decision making is impossible.  Guilt is and will take over for all that you did or did not do, unfortunately that is human nature.  

Grieving such as ours is a baby step process and there are no timeframes, no instructions, no manuals in which you follow.  Your heart is broken, you life has been altered, and you just struggle to find a new normal,  Try and take every day as a new beginning just putting one foot in front of the other one small baby step at a time.  Hugs,  Jane P.