Just wanted to say hello, you were the first person I wrote to on this site, and you two sound so much like me and Byron,so you are special to me, even though ,we only know each other through this site...so continued prayers, and , hope you managing okay.
I am so glad to hear from you. I know how it is with work and everything. Congratulations on your daughter's h.s. graduation and the beautiful way you handled it. I have been going out from time to time with my girlfriends, but it is usually like shopping or a bbq or they come to my house or I'll go theirs. It never stops being hard, but I get through it somehow. I even manage to have a few laughs, even when i am laughing, its always there in the background. My first cousin invited me over to dinner in new jersey last week. I really wanted to go, because I miss my cousin, and i was actually going to try to drive there myself. Then I realized that Byron is buried in New Jersey.I have worked very hard at not thinkng about his grave. i have not been back to the gravesite. Its just been too hard for me. I know he is no longer physically present, and I have all the spiritual understandings about the soul and how there is another reality on the other side, but Joyce , tht place, houses my husbands body, and it s just too hard to handle. I mean, its very hard for me to think of him being right there, only 45 minutes away from me, yet not there at all. I have been fooling myself tht I dont need to go to the grave site...but lately I feel like i will have to do it. His birthday is Sunday, I think I will be going there for the first time.I dont have to tell you that time does not fix any of this. We just learn to live/love with it. I miss him as much now ,if not more ,than I did in the beginning. I went to my cousins house, but my friend drove me there, we took a route that avoids the cemetery. I had a very good time,but I could feel the depression seeping in,That was the first time visiting family since Byron's passing. That night at home , was so very hard, and the folowing days as well. this is the hardest, most painful thing ever. I love him so much,
joyce, are you alright? i hope so. I haven't seen you on the site. I hope you have found another way to deal with the loss. Prayers and hugs. i know how incredibly hard it is. This month is our anniversary, and his birthday. I guess there will be many difficult "firsts". Take care, I hope you are well.
Thats a really cute story. I totally understand the tears around painting the room. I also did some redecorating,,and while I did it ,I cried throughout the whole thing..It does help though. I was able to shift the energy of the house, but nothing can really fix this can it? everyone speaks of the stages of grief, well,that implies there is some type of order to this...;there is no order,,,,One day or one week I think I have accepted it,,,and then out of nowhere something will happen, and I feel like I'm back at square one...BUT GIRL< I MUST COMMEND YOU ON ACTUALLY GOING TO THE CEREMONY!!! I know how hard it must have been,,The first time I had to go food shopping (before the drivers license) I had to run out of there, no groceries or nothing, I just ran out of the store, the idea that he was not patiently waiting for me in the car, just set me off. I had to get out of there. I know how you feel....thats whats so good about this site.....CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR AWARD,,,AND ESPECIALLY CONGRATULATIONS ON THE COURAGE YOU DISPLAYED FOR MAKING IT THROUGH THAT EVENT!!!!I KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS!!!,,,,GOD BLESS YOU!!!!!!!
im sorry joyce, i thought you were referring to your wedding band,,,,i see, you are wearing Donald's band.Well, i started wearing Byron's ring in a place so that its close to my heart. especially when i am driving,,,it makes me feel safe. My advice is the same , we will stop wearing it when its time to stop. Right now I still need it. I wish that i had kids, that must be a real blessing. It is unbelievably lonely in the evenings. byron and I were terribly close, he had major medical problems , but God knows we loved each other, we loved being together, watching TV, going to the movies, just being together, praying together, going out to eat, eating in, going to atlantic city, down south, upstate new york, just everything. We were so in love....I miss him sooo much....so much. He became my best friend....and I was his....when you saw one , you saw the other...Girl, i did not expect to be back here at this point....clearly there are no stages of grief, it is constantly changing and shifting and catching you off guard.
hard hard hard today. Lots of memories attached to mothers day. Joyce, I had to put away the pictures again....bursting into tears all day. Two steps forwrd and 3 steps back. In- laws were in town and did not come to see me..REALLY hurt...I cant imagine why not. Maybe seeing me is to hard for them? They called , but did not come by (mom in law and brother in law) ...I was missing him so much today. As I have said before grief is so unpredictable. i was feeling nice and strong this past week, then, a day like today can come along, and i'm just a mess. I know this is normal, i know i'll feel better later,,,but when it' happening,its torture. I hope you had abetter day...