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Judy
- Female
- Portland, OR
- United States
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I too lost my husband of 28 years suddenly in Jan. 2010----he only knew he had cancer for 4 days then he went into shock and died----I wasn't even called or told anything till 2 days after he died and by a voicemail at that!!
then I wasn't allowed to see him or go to his funeral----some family he had!!
I know exactly how you feel sweetie, my husband was my everything!!
The reason my heart even beats!! 1/2 of my soul went with him and I'm doing all I can to survive this--I'm here if you need to talk to someone, I have no one to talk too, so maybe we can help each other!!
Message me if you want my e-mail so we can stay in touch.
I know exactly how you feel. My husband died on October 31, 2009 and he was my everything. He was my first boyfriend and he will be my last...I am thankful everyday that I met him and married him and that we were soulmates and best friends....that is what is getting me through each day!!!!
I understand completely how your feeling....I just lost my husband 2 weeks ago and I'm totally lost....We were also married for 40 years...I hate being alone and I don't know what to do without him....The sadness sometimes is overwhelming and my family can't understand because they are with their loved ones....
I lost my husband four years ago tomorrow. I still miss him so much. We celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary right before he died. Unless you have been through it, people do not understand. There is that loss and emptiness.
I am sorry for your loss. I hope you will find peace.
I know exactly how you feel. I feel like my family is getting tired of hearing me talk about my husband. I don't care. If Ifeel like crying I do. I married him when I was 19 and I amnow 50. I don't know how to live by myself. We were never able to have children so I don't even have that much. My life has completely changed since he passed away. I feel like I lost a major part of myself the day he died.
Relatives that still have spouses don't understand my loss. I cried yesterday. I decided to get rid of our King size bed. Vic loved that bed and he picked it out and bought it. I slept good in it, but I always found myself reaching for him in my sleep. My brother had a queen size so we decided to swap beds. I literally broke down crying when I took the bed down. I thought, what is wrong with me? Ii know it is going to get better. I just want to know when. Yes, we are now sisters in a very special way. We share a loss that I pray others never have to endure.
I've been out of touch due to the birth of our first grandchild, a boy named after my husband John. It's been a very emotional time, as you might imagine. Everyone told me that I would be so uplifted, and of course I am. However, the joy is so diffused by the fact that John couldn't have been there to hold his very first baby. You see, he became my daughters' dad when they were already 6 and 8. The day John died our daughter was 2 weeks pregnant but she didn't know yet. She and her husband decided on that day that, if they ever had a son, they'd name him after John. So, now I'm sorting through a whole new batch of emotions.
I've become aware that grief is accumulative. First there's the shock of sudden loss. Then, over time, the deadening truth that this is not temporary and that he is gone forever leaving us alone. Then all the mini-griefs along the way - the vacation spots you will never visit again, the favorite restaurants, hikes and camping trips that cause more unease than comfort, the hobbies that hold no interest. Goes on and on. Right now I am so buried at work I must fight back anxiety but look forward to the middle of September when I will breathe again. I guess we will survive....will we?
--Cheryl
I could write all morning about this strange and unhappy life I now am stuck with but, since I'm at work, I won't. However, I don't want to let the day go by without letting you know that as awful as this is it is good (and that's a relative term) to know that others have survived this and I must believe that we will too. I'm so happy you've had family near but as you know it is ending soon and they are all back at their lives. It is you alone that must breathe each breath with pain knowing that this is not something that will pass like the flu. For most of the last 8 months I've had this subconcious protecting thought that this is an alarming but temporary state of affairs and that, when it's over, I'll have so much to talk to my husband John about! I think that last week was so hard for me because it felt like that subtle emotional protection was gone. It's never going to be over and I'll never have his loving support and warm counsel again. As for being held, yes, isn't it hell! We had a loving and demonstrative relationship. Our kids gave us a hard time for kissing and embracing all the time! I think I should go have a massage but I'm afraid it will make me sadder (and that's hard to imagine!). Anyway, off I go being like you - looking "normal." It's incredibly tiring, isn't it? ---Cheryl
Your story echoes mine. My husband also died 8 months ago and it was sudden and completely unexpected. Like you and your husband we were the closest of friends and true soul mates. Although we were only married for 20 years, we had been dear friends and in constant contact for the 23 years preceding our marriage. We went through it all together through years of letters, phone calls and visits. Anyway, I can tell you that I am feeling exactly like you are. I have always been a strong person and have worked through several other very hard times but this has got me floored. I am not the person I was before and feel completely unanchored. Nothing interests me, I feel desperately sad nearly all the time yet people think I'm doing OK. I've read that a resurgence of grief is quite common around the 9-month mark. Maybe that is what has taken us to our knees again. I hate living alone and find that I've become lazy with household chores letting dishes and laundry and paperwork pile up until I am expecting company. I feel ridiculous, like I should know better. But just getting through a day seems like incredibly hard work. I never felt old until the day he died and now I feel ancient. I don't want to further depress you I just want to let you know that another woman out here knows, to some degree, the agony you are walking through. Does it help? Probably not but here we are on this terrible path. I hope there is a destination.