I dont know what to say...I cant even answer my own questions and all the guilt and evil that goes with it.
A hospital let my son go from the ""ER"" just hours before he ran in front of a semi on the interstate. He had been telling them for at least 2yrs that I know of. I just want to go to that hospital and see how they would like it if one of their kids, grown or not, died by suicide !!! I cant imagine what you are feeling since you have compound issues. I will pray for you tho, I can do that !! Im not on here but maybe once a week cause I just feel....well...what can anyone do really??? Everyone cares but so what, wont bring my son back. HE SHOULDNT HAVE DIED LIKE THAT !!!
I guess all of us have something that brings the memories rushing back. Another song that brings back memories is the song from Titanic "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine. Robi had never cried at a movie before, but couldn't stop crying with that song. After that she cried every time she heard it. It made her mad because she always picked on me for crying during movies, and afterward she couldn't anymore.
I pretty much have my Husband Larry and what happened in the back of my mind at all times. You might be keeping busy enough that you can think about other things. I'm supposed to start a new job this coming Monday. I lost my job of almost 30 years 20 days PRIOR to my Husband's death. I carried the health insurance as he was disabled and depressed and after 3 years of being given a hard time at work I was also depressed. It makes for a very low energy level. And finding a job in that state is extra difficult. Sometimes you feel like "life" is a chore "going through the motions" I don't know what situation took your Daughter and Grandson, but I'm sorry for your loss.
This is my story also Karen. Kim's suicide came after her divorce (and a bunch of related issues). She took her life on Jan 21 of this year. Tomorrow will be 8 months for us. Good days and bad days are the norm around our house. I would like to suggest you make contact with a group called The Surviving Project. Has been very helpful for me and just might be the answer for you. www.thesurvivingproject.com Hugs and warm wishes for some healing. ~ Jo