"In December it will 2 years since my son, my only child, at 18 suddenly passed from a massive brain anuerysn but also January will be one year since the other man in my life passed, my Daddy. Although I have my mom sister husband and brother in law…"
"My husband offered to have his vasectomy(done long b4 me) reversed, I said oh God no at my age I run a higher risk of having a special needs child, miscarriage, or still birth and not to mention I fear I would resent this child for not being Augie."
"Tami it was months and months before I washed his clothes in the hospital property bag, my mother did so I would'nt have to but did'nt tell me before. I came unglued screaming how can I smell him now, my mom and I raised him she is just as…"
"I hate the way people act "weird" around me. I had a friend and co worker apologize for discussing her kids, I said why Augie was here 18 years I will still now and always speak of him he existed he is mine, I said I know ur children the…"
"I will never let go, never. In december it will be two years since my son left I know he is gone but I will hold him again he just isn't here just out of my reach for the moment. The pain does cosume me most days and it hurts just as bad today…"
"The other night at work a little boy threw up all over me, par for the course. I said a little barf never hurt anyone sweetie no worries he says sorry I throwed up on u Kat I proudly said sweetie I am a Mommy I am not above getting getting barfed on…"
"Augie and I had some rough times from about 13 to 16 it just seemed he hated me, that hurt me so I am sure it came across as anger, but it was'nt. Augie told me in the waiting room the night he left"Momma I am going to die tonight, and…"
"Everyday I struggle to eat, smile, just to live. I am not perfect but why must I be punnished with losing my only child. Augie comsumes me did I spank him once to much, did I yell to much, did I say no to many times! I have living I don't want…"
"Augie left us the sweetest long haired chihuahua who still when the bedroom he had at my mom's door gets opened he runs in and looks for my son and when I say Dookie our boy is'nt here remember he hides under the bed."
Augie know this my sweet child, not even death can stop my love for you from growing. I love you more today than yeaterday and my my will keep going on and on until you reach out your hand to take me with and not even then will my love stop. I miss you doesn't. Begin to cover it. I love you snack pack!
Dear Kathryn, I am so sorry for the lost of your son. I do read everyones post everyday but I feel as the days move on it harder and harder for me to respond. Its been two years for me and I am not getting any better. I hope there are better days in front of us to get through this journey. I wish the best for you and your family. Hugs to you Donna Deanna Mom
I have work at the hospital for 9 years and my son died here 18 months ago. Its days like this I wonder why I came back after this atrocity of taking my son from me. I am by no means blaming my team I watched it all they went above and beyond for my son. Its just the room I touch the bed wonder is this the one? I still after all this time hear rumors, see the stares. I wish I could just hide in a cave until my time comes.
Oh Kathryn it is s wonderful when anyone we love visits us in a dream.
I was so happy that my son Joe visited me. When I told a person who was once upon a time in the seminary to be a priest he said that my son was letting me know he's alright. One time I asked Joe if he ever thinks of me. He had on a black shirt looking so handsome and was alive in my dream. Joe was on a chair at his desk and computer when he was turned half way and looked at me with his beautiful eyes and said "yeah." It was in the voice he would say it. I have never heard anyone speak in my dreams before. Grab onto the dream and cherish it. Your son loves you and is reaching out to you to feel good.
We can change our world by changing our thoughts. Our universe is ours alone. It's a choice to feel good or a choice to feel sad. It's a decision we make.
Days like today when although I have accepted my baby boy is gone I am hit like a ton of bricks with the realization he is'nt here. I don't want to live w/o him, I can't and I am so angry my child was taken. It is not the natural course of events. Augie had so much to give teach and learn in this world. I see no reason. I want to runaway but I know my pain will still be there. Augie told me in the waiting room " Mom I am going to die, and when(not if) I do know that no matter what I have said I love you more than anything." I said no your not Augie I love u to much and I don't accept that your all I have, and we're at my hospital now we r going to fix it. I lied to him! I just want him nothing else I am no one and have nothing w\o him.
I have quickly accepted both requests and I thankyou. I know I am surrounded by many that love me but I. Am alone in this pain. Except with my mother she lost two boys in infancy and now a 3rd son as we raised mine together. I will refrain from saying anything about his....father(sorry I choke on the word) because I try and remember he has lost a son to.
Kathryn, thank you for inviting me to be your friend. Your son Augie has a beautiful face and is a real macho guy. Just like my son Joe. My allergist who had treated my Joe at one time said that he would never get any older. Why who says so. To me every year as long as I am around he will have a birthday. His friends all turning his age this year. Although I don't see him physically I believe there are other dimensions right here on earth even next to us. It's a very difficult thing to understand but it is as much fact as many other things we are asked and told to believe. It helps me to feel better and that is all that matters.
I just baked a caked and it will be coming out of the oven soon. I made a recipe from the computer. It's a lemon yogurt bundt cake taken from the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." I was counting the teaspoons of baking powder and hope I counted 4 correctly. The recipe calls for 4 cups of flour and it is going to be awesome with the raspberry and French vanilla ice cream I'll be bringing. I just hope lots of members, and potential members arrive. I'd invite you to come if you lived in NJ. This is what helps me to keep on keeping on my garden club and some other things. I kept doing what I did immediately. Sometimes it's difficult but it passes. I feel that my Joe is happy knowing that I am continuing to do what I did before he went into another dimension. I don't want to be a wimp as he would think of me if I pulled back. Your son Augie looks like the kind of guy that would think and say the same.
I can see my Tim rocking to Wayward son when the tempo picks up and the percussion hits and reverbs through the car. I can see his hands tapping his thighs to the beat. Sorry I am having a very rough night right now. Just got home from buying a few things for my girls for Valentines Day and I found a Spider-Man heart shaped box of chocolates I will be bringing to Timmy next week.