My mother died August 15th, one day after we celebrated 51 years of marriage. When she died my husband and I talked about going places because she was gone.
On September 1st, 2 weeks later, I drove my husband to the emergency because he was in some kind of pain. Within 2 hours he was dead. I was in shock, very very angry that the doctors hadn't taken his problem seriously. My grandson drove me home and I didn't cry for 3 days. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do - to try to understand that he isn't coming back, that he is permanently gone, that I have to live alone and without him. At first I thought I couldn't breathe without him. Then I didn't want to live without him.
It's now been 4 and a half months since he died. I have been willing to sob and feel the pain of the loss. I'm scared. I can't believe others have been through this because I haven't heard them talk about it. My mother isn't even here to ask her how she felt when my dad died.
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I see you live in Michigan, I live in Saginaw been through Niles. On the internet distance doesn't mean much. Some people on here in Canada, other Countries all over the place. Nothing makes sense about life now, Who am I, what am I suppose to do. I guess the best we can do is figure it out as we go along. When we are Married our Life and Future is laid out for us, then when our spouse dies along with feeling like part of us died with them, we all the sudden have lost our Life Plan. The idea of redoing my Life at 64 scares me to death, I'm lucky to have good health need to find some kind of Life left for me. It really turns our life upside down doesn't it, good luck and post often.
Sorry for the loss of your Mother and your Husband in so short of time. The 29th of this month will be a year since my Wife died. There are so many emotions you go through sometimes you think your crazy. Your not we all go through so many sometimes all in one day. I found the best thing is to let your grief and pain go where it has to go. It's not something we can control, if you try it will come out at a later date much worse. Try not to look too far ahead, it might start out day to day, then couple of days. When i would find myself getting anxious and scared of the future I would catch myself and just worry about tomorrow. Sometimes I feel like it has been a long time since my wife died other times a short time and can't believe she isn't coming back. It sure is a hard thing to believe and accept. I have found the best thing for me is to post on here, whatever you are feeling it's nice to get it out to people that understand. It is so true you can't understand what we go through if you haven't been through it yourself. Sheri wrote this in a post it struck home with me.
I know that we are all in the same boat. So although it doesn't make me feel any better, it does make me feel less alone. Because really, the "aloneness" of it all is really the worst part, I think. Whenever I post on here I always get so much support and understanding it makes me feel a little bit better. Hope we can help you too.