My mother died August 15th, one day after we celebrated 51 years of marriage. When she died my husband and I talked about going places because she was gone.
On September 1st, 2 weeks later, I drove my husband to the emergency because he was in some kind of pain. Within 2 hours he was dead. I was in shock, very very angry that the doctors hadn't taken his problem seriously. My grandson drove me home and I didn't cry for 3 days. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do - to try to understand that he isn't coming back, that he is permanently gone, that I have to live alone and without him. At first I thought I couldn't breathe without him. Then I didn't want to live without him.
It's now been 4 and a half months since he died. I have been willing to sob and feel the pain of the loss. I'm scared. I can't believe others have been through this because I haven't heard them talk about it. My mother isn't even here to ask her how she felt when my dad died.