• Female
  • Ashevlle, NC
  • United States
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  • Starr edwards
  • Amy Hendershot
  • Betty Bryant
  • Mary Ann Squires (Macs)
  • Jennifer - Zach's Mom
  • Cathy Pearly
  • JoAnn Brozowski
  • Micki
  • Carrie L
  • Susan - Donny's Mom
  • JOYCE MASHER, 4 Amy 5158791808

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I have several posts on this website but haven't been here for awhile. On December 23, 2009 I lost my oldest son. The official cause of death was acute pneumonia complicated by two prescription drugs he had in his system that interfered with his respirations which were already a mess because he was so sick. he did not live in the same town we, his parents, live in, so we got the dreaded phone call. He was 35 years old.

There were mistakes made by the EMS people in that when they intubated him, somehow during the whole scenario he was intubated incorrectly and the tube was put into his esophagus instead of his trachea and basically smothered him to death. He went into cardiac arrest 4 minutes after the tube was put in. It was discovered immediately (within two minutes) after EMS got him to the hospital. The ER doctor discovered it immediately, removed the tube and replaced it correctly but it was too late. he was pronounced dead 20 minutes later.

We cannot get an attorney to represent us. My son was bipolar and had lots of problems. He became ill in college. Before that he was a model straight A student, went to a high school for gifted kids his junior and senior years and had a full paid four year scholarship to college. After he got sick, as many folks with bipolar disease do, they won't let you help them. We even tried to get court ordered help through the court system but it was a joke.

According to the attorneys we have talked to and there have been many, there are no "economic damages" because he didn't work that much and all kinds of other legal mumbo jumbo. Its not that we don't have a case, its that it would cost so much to prosecute it no one wants to take it because they don't think they can win. The defense would tear it apart.

I almost forgot, they had a machine called a capnography machine on board the ambulance that tells whether a person is intubated correctly and they could not use that because the batteries in the machine were dead! That is my biggest problem here with all of this.

I have spoken several times with the head of the ambulance company, the medical director and several other folks. All I get out of them is that they have spent over 500K replacing all the equipment on every truck so they don't have these certain machines anymore. They tell me the paramedics that intubated him had years of experience, were Veterans of the Iraqui war, etc, etc. That doesn't bring my son back though does it. They keep "skirting" around the issue of that machine not being in working order.

For awhile they had said they were coming down to talk to my husband and I in person but that has changed now. Now they want to set up a meeting via "web cam" and "Skype" which I think is a disgrace and an insult. I think they should face us personally.

The last I heard yesterday the medical director told me that they had had numerous problems with these particular machines. I think he is trying to make it sound like equipment problems so we will sue the maker of the equipment. It's like my son's life met nothing to them because he was not working. He was too sick to work. He was being treated, etc. But basically they are saying your life is worth nothing if you aren't loaded with money (the lawyers). I am so angry I just want to run and scream

I have considered suicide but what would that do to my husband and youngest son? On top of that, when all this happened, we were absolutely shunned by our church. No one came around, brought food, nothing. This is not the church we started going to 17 years ago. I remember on Christmas Day standing in the kitchen trying to get something together to eat and thinking this is not right, there should be people here. My family (sister, nieces, nephews, etc) were gone and wound up in a snow storm and could not get here. We have as yet not had a memorial service for him. It was such a mess that we couldn't do it at the time. We had to get him back here from Pennsylvania. There was no insurance so we had ot have him cremated in PA and sent home. We did buy a plot and bury him and put up a stone but just havne't had the memorial yet. We are thinking about nexst month but I just don't know if I can do it.

My husband and I are at a loss and just walk in a fog. He is working which helps him but I am not working anymore. I just want to die. If I only had someone to at least help me go through all the paper work and get it in order (there are boxes and boxes) and clean out the room with all his stuff I think I could make it. My husband will do it, but I feel like both of us doing it together is just too hard. I need someone that is removed from the situation.

I don't know what to do and this is never going to end. Obviously I dread Thanksgiving and Christmas especially and every other holiday. I have already been through most of them including his birthday. He died onDecember 23, autopsy on Christmas Eve and the funeral director in PA said we HAD to cremate on Christmas Day and couldn't wait which I found out later was a lie. So for the rest of my life I have to remember this. I just turned 55 years old and I feel like I am 85 right now... Thanks for letting me vent.

Kaye's Blog

I am fed up

Posted on December 19, 2011 at 5:06am 1 Comment

I am fed up. i don't care what happens tome.  my son died 2 days before Christmas 2009. far as i am concerned nothing to live for anymore. Decorated his grave this weekend,s houldn't have to be doing this. No support from family or friends, just hubby and I .  Hubby had a massive heart attack and 5 bypasses on September 25.  He is fine now but i think stress helped it along.  Can't take anymore. First cousins funeral yesterday.  Four deaths since 2009 in December of family members right…


Help with navigating this website

Posted on November 17, 2010 at 8:52pm 3 Comments

Ihave tried to figure out how to navigate this website and am having trouble. I get e-mails when someone posts but I don't know how to go into the system or answer their e-mails. can someone help me? You can e-mail me at kayefortenberry@charter.net and it would be so helpful. I had one post from "Yvonne" tonight I wanted to answer because her situation sounds a little like mine but don't know how to do it. I clicked on all the "Yvonnes" but…


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At 6:25pm on June 20, 2012, Alicia Rodriguez said…
I'm so sorry for the loss of you're son my.son Jesse well.be gone 3 year's on 7/12/12 I miss him every day come here to vent when EVER you.feel the need to get you're feeling out we all know you're pain we've all lost a child here they say time heals all wounds but not true not for me well friend we are here for you. Hugs to you Alicia Jesse's Mom
At 12:18pm on June 16, 2012, Shirley Gutierrez said…

Dearest Kaye,

I am so sorry that you are having such deep problems. I wish I could give you magic words which would take it all away. If  had some I would use them too. My youngest of 3 daughters died on August 11th, 2009 of cancer. Seven months later my oldest daughter died on March 1st 2010 also of cancer. It has been a difficult 3 years for us however, "it is what it is" & I am so thankful that I had them for as long as I did. Looking back I have no regrets, we were a very close family, were together every chance we got & we miss them both every day. But, all our tears won't bring them back. I live now for the rest of my family. The other part of my life with 3 daughters is over.

Love to you,


At 1:02pm on July 1, 2011, Micki said…

Same here Kaye, if ever you need to talk please feel free...

At 7:47pm on March 26, 2011, Amy Hendershot said…

Kaye, I'm sorry you had to lose your son because of mistakes by medical professionals. Ashley was hospitalized for 3 months on the respirator. She had started to recover 3 wks after she was admitted, when she came down with pneumonia again, this time from the ventilator. There were many posters in the hospital rooms about how to avoid VAP (ventilator acquired pneumonia), did someone not follow procedure? Her lung collapsed on Dec 9, 2009, and they did not know if she would survive. She did, and they were beginning to wean her off the ventilator when her heart stopped, and they could not revive her. She had begun physical therapy, and was pretty much breathing on her own the day she died. They told me she could have a slushie (her first real food in 3 months) the day she died, but when I brought it in, her heart rate was very high, so they said she could not have it. I knew she had a blood clot, and knew that when it travelled to the heart it could cause a high heart rate & I kept asking the nurse if that could be what happened. They said no, because she was on blood thinner. When she died, they said it would be $1000, that had to be paid up front before they would do an  autopsy.We said no, mostly because it would not bring her back, and also because I did not want to know someone may have screwed up, and my kid would still be alive if they hadn't. Supposedly the hospital was going to call and apologize for being harsh about the $1000, but they never did. Then I found out this year, that when they gave her a blood transfusion, it was tainted with Hepatitis C. Of course it does not matter now, but if she had lived, she would have had to deal with that the rest of her life. (although I would much rather have her dealing with that, than not being here at all. 


Amy/Ashley's mom

At 6:04pm on December 25, 2010, Mary Ann Squires (Macs) said…

Kaye, I'm so sorry for all the negative things you have going on in your life. I know life can be so cruel and it seems to happen when we are at our weakest. I'm sorry to say but you are right...there may not be anything done with what happen as the medical field is hard to prove anything or they will make things go away. It happened to my uncle all of a sudden 3 pages of his medical records were missing because the hospital actully killed him because they messed up too. When my aunt tried to do something about it she couldn't get a lawyer either, was told that it would to hard to prove. What is your son's name?

You know Kaye maybe it is too early to know if it will not work out with your father there, You said you had him since Wed. and this is diffinetly the hardest time of the year for you. Maybe getting pass the holiday and anniversary of his passing you will have a different mind frame, just a thought.  Please let me know how you are and I'd really like to know more about your son.

Your in my thoughts and prayers.  Macs    

At 11:12am on December 23, 2010, Mary Ann Squires (Macs) said…

Kaye, I just read your story and I'm so very sorry for you.  You are so right our court system is a big joke and if there is not money to be made for them they don't care.   I loss my son Logan, this last Oct. 26 and it is a very hard road to travel and I'd like very much to try and help you along the way. I know just talking about my Logan helps me. He was a funny, witty, smart and loving young man, so full of life, he'd light up the room when he came in. would you like to tell me about your son I'm here to listen. My birthday is today, Dec.23rd, I miss not hearing from Logan to wish me a Happy one.  Sorry to have read that you had loss your son on 12/23 last year. If you would like to post back just click on my name and it will bring you to my page and write where is says comments. I'll be waiting to hear from you Kaye and please know that I'm thinking of you and prayering for you.

BIG ((HUGS)) to you, Macs 

At 6:48pm on November 19, 2010, Susan - Donny's Mom said…
Yes....different drugs....medical conditions...all the deadly combination for a loss of a young life. No answers for anything.......just the loving family left with a huge hole in their lives....
The next two months are going to be a challange for all of us. Keep posting, keep in touch, let the feelings out and we will all make it through together.
Hugs to you today
At 9:57am on November 19, 2010, JoAnn Brozowski said…
Hi Kaye - I lost my son, my only child Tyler, at age 24 in January of this year. I know exactly what you are feeling - I think we all do. Keep in touch - it really helps.
At 10:33pm on November 17, 2010, Susan - Donny's Mom said…
U r right ....I didn't have anything on my page. Guess when I joined I posted what happened on the main page.
When I joined there were only 364 people on this site....now there are 708...how sad is that...and that is only in less than a year. Shattered lives all across the US.
Dr.'s give way too many perscriptions. If you read on this site so many young people have been given drugs from Dr.s and really shouldn't have. It is an ongoing problem for sure.
Take care now.
At 10:12pm on November 17, 2010, Susan - Donny's Mom said…
Kaye....If you click on Donny's picture it should go right into my personal "page". It shows pictures of my family, Donny's girls and happier times.
Glad you stayed in this website, for sure we all need each other, and especially with all the holidays coming.
We lost our Donny on Dec 25th 2009, Christmas morning. We had no idea what happened as he died in his sleep. What they finally decided was it was an accidental overdose of pain pills and anit-depressants. He also had untreated sleep aphnea and was sick the day before. All a deadly combination to make a heart stop of a young person.
He had broken his neck at a swimming function with the family 10 years prior and was always on some kind of pain bills to keep working in heavy construction to support his family. then his wife decided she wanted out of their marriage and he got on anti-depressants to deal with that. It was an ugly messy expensive divorce so he was very sad that he lost what he loved in life and that was his family being together.
Sometimes this life we have on earth is so sad and hard to take. Not everyone can deal with what we are dealt. He was 39 and left 3 wonderful sweet teenage girls. They are very dear to me and are still a big part of our family so thank goodness for that.
Keep in touch and we will all try and give support to each other for the holidays arriving.
Hugs to you tonight.

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