Dearest Keziah
How are you??? How is your grief coming along> Mine is still as deep and as wide, but I find if I keep busy enough I can block it out in some sense.
I also know that he would want me to be a woman of duty.
How is your summer there in July/August? is it Monsoon???
It’s very hot here in the USA and we are getting lots of rain in the evenings. A nice breeze all summer too..
Kezia, how are you??????
God bless you and peace, Veronica, USA/Colorado

dear Keziah, honey how are you doing? I thought I’d drop a line to you--across the world. Isnt e mail amazing? we can share our griefand send caring thoughts.
I am still in a lot of grief, although it is slowly becoming more true to me, more real that my Barry is gone. I am dreading Christmas as we did so many special things. I want to do in his honor many things...

I’ve learned that LOVE never ends. 
I’ve learned how we have to walk through the grief--there is no escape.

Blessings and peace, V, Colorado/ USA

I am sorry I just rememberd that your dear husband was killed. My niece as murded in 2009 and it is very PAINFUL! the anger, the confusion the guilt for not being able to help them. THE LOSS!

What do you do with your days now? 
God bless you Keziah, your name is so pretty!
Vee

Hello

Thank you for your reply and it helps me not feel so useless that I can encourage others. I cannot imagine your loss!!!! It’s horrible today I kept “wanting Barry to come back!” as if I willed enough it would happen, and then my" anger goes to Barry”(you know the normal “mad at the one who abandoned you”. I read thats totally normal to even be angry at the one who is gone.  

Barry loved my children and did so much for us , although when we met I was a divorced single mother. He did not have any children of his own.

Today I was so sad I cry in my room and want to go find him, it’s like he’s lost and--youre so right! HOW can we go on! in my heart, I can never “MOVE ON” i see it as life moves forward and have no choice but to live our lives as best we can for Gods purpose, this thought gives me PURPOSE.

Did you hubby die unexpectedly> I think you told me he got sick. Its so hard to believe, isn’t it???
Sweetie, you mourn as much as you need to and hopefully you can hold those sweet memories forever. Lately though I have had this feeling that I am sad because all the fun things we did and the plain things we did, are gone! that’s what really kills me! I am a mess

I read some of the Bible yesterday and I try to stay busy, yet I am also not very interested in life. 

Barry passed away in his sleep, April 16th 2012 and people say, “Well, at least he went peacefullY” and it still hurts and he is stil gone. I am so numb still. I miss my beloved and my heart goes out to all those who are mournng now. 

Blessings and hugs, 
Vee

Hi Keziah, I am sorry for your loss as well ... Thank you for your kinds words :)

Dear Keziah, Oh honey! I am so so sorry this horrible sadness has happened to you, your husband and your families. I myself just lost my companion of 11 years this April and I like you, cannot believe it still. I am in shock and sad and angry. I miss him so so much! My heart now goes out to other widows as well. My dear Barry was my best friend and my world and he died in his sleep and when people say, “well, at least he went peacefully” it does not help because he IS STILL GONE! i stare at his pictures and try to imagine him. I finally had 2 dreams about him and It was so nice to see him in my dreams.

In my own family my niece was murdered, 3 years ago this summer; she was an amazing mother and woman. Her husband killed her. We are so sad and time does help some with the intensity and the good memories are what floats to the top after some time, but the loss is never healed. 

I hope some words of understanding help you at least not feel so alone. Please write to me if you need to talk. I know in my life, everyone expects me to just “GO ON” and for me, there is NO GOING ON! the vacuum this leaves in one’s heart cannot be filled. I find that TIME GOES ON and we are carried with it, but I have not moved on, for me time has stood still.

I pray for your small moments of peace and comfort. Your picture of the two of you is so precious and  hold it close and make copies to have extra. GOD is still here even when we dont see the purpose for our lives in this time. 

Blessings, Veronica, Colorado/United States