Lee why do you have to deal with the bereaved? do you work with them just found you on one of the councelors pages. I am a mom. and I know I have memories of what people say so it is important not to say much. Perhaps only positive things that the person can latch onto. I loved his smile. I love him. Sorry has a catch. sorry is negative and the whole experience is somewhat negative i believe. I don't know whether sadness is negative or positive but it is sad... i think it is a little bit of both. but what brings sadness may bring memories. I read today about someone lighting 5 candles and each was for a specific purpose I thought that idea was good. also note cards about memories I thought that idea was good at an anniversary. I have never really had to deal with this but now it is a constant. and I also feel he would not like me talking about him negatively though i never would ... I find comfort in other moms. take care carrie L