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Loss of a Child

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Well, there's a picture of my baby, Kitty. She was just 44 when she passed away and we were best friends. This picture was taken just about one year before she was diagnosed with AML (leukemia) on December 23, 1999. Christmas was her favorite time of the year when we could all be together. She adored her three older brothers and they adored her. She died January 21, 2007. I still miss her every second of every day.

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At 1:14am on February 13, 2010, Janie said…: Hi Lee, Janie here. I'm sorry I haven't written sooner
sometimes I think that this site is bringing me down reading everyone's pain, but then on the otherhand I
feel more at peace, because we all feel the same. No one else really understands. We can pretend for everyone else if we choose, but only we know the real
pain and loneliness. I so sorry that you lost your daughter. Last week when I was running errands I somehow made a complete circle of the path we made with Rich when he was admitted to the hospital.I was kind of daydreaming while driving and ended up at the hospice he died at. I drove past that and continued to get lost again. That night I had to take my husband to the same hospital ER. It just brought back so many feelings I didn't think would bother me anymore. I'm still confused that I made that full circle and why it happened that way.
It's been 25 months, I can't cry anymore, but this last week I feel more alone than ever. I know if Rich had lived, his life would have been most unbearable for him, with pain, and also losing his cousin he was so close to, and his grandmother. All within 10 months after his death. Rich would not be walking or be able to take care of himself anymore. I know God saw that and knew it was time to give Rich his peace in heaven. Thats the only comfort I really get from all of this. Lets keep in touch. Right now my mind is not very clear. So Love and Hugs to you. Janie

At 11:24pm on February 5, 2010, Janie said…: Welcome Lee Kelly, my name is Janie, from Wisconsin
I just started re-reading some of these sites. They really are a blessing. You sound very lonely. I suppose that each of us is lonely in our own way. We've all lost our child, our lives will never be the same. I lost my son, Rich, age 32, on Jan 9 2008. He was in the hospital for one week, and hospice for 7 days . His liver was shutting down, along with the other organs. If you would like to write more we could e-mail. I hope to hear from you and please take care. God does hear our prayers, and so do our
angels. Hugs, Janie

At 1:27am on January 27, 2010, Lee Kelly said…: Hi, Tami: I lived about 20 miles North of Hemet, CA in Yucaipa but this area is so different from where I lived before. Not a real friendly town and not a lot to do. Where do you live? I spent hours with my daughter and she would say "Don't complain because the nurses retaliate when you aren't here". That's probably why your daughter doesn't want you to complain. Unless you can be with her 24/7, I don't blame her for not wanting to go back. I filed complaints with the hospital administration and with the state agency but they are slow to act and slower to do anything about anything unless they can see it themselves. I never thought of video taping anything. There were some good nurses but most of them just put in barely enough effort to get their paychecks. I feel like I should have done more to take care of her when she was hospitalized. My daughter's name was Kitty and she spent 9-1/12 months in the Naval Hospital in San Diego when she had leukemia. She had her transplant at Thornton Hospital in La Jolla at U.C.S.D. which is a wonderful place. Her care at the Naval Hospital was great, too, but the follow-up was nonexistant. I spent a lot of time blaming her husband and still do sometimes although I try not to. Thanks again for talking to me. Do you know how to add "friends" to your page? I guess I am to computer illiterate to figure it out. Love to you, Lee

At 1:13am on January 27, 2010, Tami said…: Lee, It is so sad if you really think that they would do that with her meds, but I have heard that too... My Daughter has had 3 back surgeries and I know when I was at the hospital with her they would take their sweet time getting her pain meds to her, i used to get so ANGRY! as the nurses would be sitting at the nurses station just chit chatting and laughing... I would go up to the desk and they would ignore me... It was really frustrating, I finally got up the nerve to just break right in on the conversation they were having and say "My daughter has been ringing her buzzard for 20 min. her meds were to be given an hour ago, WHY ARENT YOU IN THERE"??? When they would tell me they were understaffed I would just look at them like a mad woman, because everytime I looked out the door they were just laughing and talking, I wanted to put in a huge complaint, I was even going to video tape them! But my daughter begged me not to so I didnt. They want to do another surgery on her and she wont do it, because of the care and after care she recieved.

Where did you live before you moved to be closer to your Daughter? That is really hard, especially being some place you dont want to be.

Hugs to you
Tami

At 11:58pm on January 26, 2010, Tami said…: Lee, I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter, I can feel you when you say that you might just re-join the group so that you have something to get dressed and go do, I make myself get up every day and (it isnt until 2 PM), but I make sure that I leave the house at least once a day, It helps.I did go to compassionate friends but I wasnt ready, it was only 2 weeks after I lost my Son, Please feel free to come here a 1000 times a day to put your feelings into words, we are all here to listen and give advice when we can... we are all here to help.
Hugs
Tami

At 1:50pm on October 30, 2009, Lee Kelly said…: In 1999 my only daughter was diagnosed with Acute Mylogenous Leukemia. This is a terrible disease. She underwent 4 highdose chemotherapies and an autologous stem cell transplant over 9 1/2 months. The pain she went through is indecribable. She lost her hair twice, her skin peeled off as if from a sunburn, her finger and toe nails fell off as well as the bottoms of here feet. She went into remission in Sept. 2000. She suffered numerous afflictions in the years after that finally dieing in her sleep in January, 2007 from heart trouble. The doctors said it was probably the result of all the chemicals that were pumped into her as AML treatment. Doctors all down the line after her discharge from the Naval Hospital in San Diego, dropped the ball with misdiagnosis', wrong treatments, over medications and simple stupidity. She had 18 hospitalizations in 2 years and 4 surgeries. I prayed that I could undergo the pain she indured instead of her. To this day, I think that if I had been a better mother, she would not have suffered so much. It will be 3 years in January since she was buried and I still cry every day. I am now seeing a psychologist and attending a support group but I don't know if it is helping any. I just found this support site and maybe it will help to read about others loses. I don't know.