On April 4th 2004 I suddenly lost my husband to a massive heart attack. He was 54 years old. My husband's father died at the age of 49 from a heart attack, so we were aware of this running in his family. My husband was a conscious exerciser, watched his diet and had regular doctor visits. In other words, he was doing everything he should have been doing. He appeared so healthy, that the doctor's in the ER could not determine his cause of death and made it a coroner's case. My son found him unconscious on the treadmill, where he had been exercising. They were not able to revive him. It was a total shock to everyone and traumatic for me. The first year I walked around in a dream. My mind had problems accepting that this had really happened. We have three children and it was traumatic for them also. For two years, I could not stop crying. I lost my partner of almost 35 years. I always imagined us growing old together. Now, I don't cry everyday, even though I still have moments. Time has helped me to deal with my grief. It is not something you get over, but you learn to live with it and deal with it. Everything is different and I am learning to deal with everything differently. Things do not even look the same anymore.

A year before my husband died, I lost my brother to cancer. It was unexpected for me because I had hope that he would get better. So, I was still grieving my brother when my husband unexpectedly died. When things like this happen you feel like you are the only one it is happening to. However, when I finally came out of my daze, I realize that it happend to many people. Loss is something most of us don't deal with very well. It's different for each and every one of us. Each and every one of us deal with it differently. My whole life is so changed. I truly don't sweat the small stuff.