"Hello Everyone, It’s been almost 2 mos. that Frank is now gone but it seems that now my grief feels even worse, this is the time of year that we moved in together plus really became close together back in 2015 and now because of the seasons…"
"Thank you for your welcoming response boy do i need this group. I lost my xfiance very unexpectedly and was still living with him but had a total hip teplacemennt in nyc at the hospital for special surgery & lived 235 miles away and had to stay…"
Hello Everyone, It’s been almost 2 mos. that Frank is now gone but it seems that now my grief feels even worse, this is the time of year that we moved in together plus really became close together back in 2015 and now because of the seasons changing this really reminds me of him. Also I’m moving to another location because it’s not very healthy for me to be staying in this sort of asstd living/adult home where i only came for Physical Therapy after my hip surgery. it’s very dangerous here and is not a very nuturing or comforting place to be and am going to be reconciled with my 2 cats which have been staying with my friend since i picked them up from our apartment which is now gone. this girl who is fun and really is very giving and loving she knows all the loss, the grief, the anguish of still not knowing how he passed on atleast i thought maybe his son would have told me by now. it’s the not knowing that’s killing me and still feel that i should have read between the lines when i received some of very angry letters to me that maybe it was a cry for help and should have gone back there anyway even though he told me if i came there to get some of my things i would have to
leave the same day which was impossible that drive alone would have been over 600 miles round trip otherwise i would have gone back and truly believe if i did atleast 3 wks after surgery i would have been able to heal much better after hip surgery staying in my own apt and just maybe he would have still been alive because i would have taken him to the hosp that had his drs weeks before when he said he was getting pains in his chest and not being able to take a full breath. in between his sentences on his ltrs he said he was very scared because of the cats and left a note with the mgr if something should happen to him for her to have full control and to not let me stay at the apt if something happened to him. i must let this go, I can’t do anymore or keep walking around crying thinking why did this happen?? and all the loss, all the grieving im doing over a man who claimed in his ltrs he hated me but for what?? i treated him so good loved him with all my heart and he was my tower of strength. my friend said he was so alone and probably just sat home all day getting more and more angry for whatever reason cause u were not there. i wanted to be with all my heart but because u thgt i was no longer on the lease( and found out later i was until mid june not beginning of march) had i known that u would have gone back to my own apt to rest and heal and also be with him, but was afraid he would tell me to leave the same day like he said in his last ltrs i don’t care if u sleep in the car or the train station ur not sleeping here with along of choice words that were incorrigible and will not mention here, so why is it i still grieve for someone who once had a lot of feelings for me and then hated me?? not too many people used that word hate but he had no problem telling me that word, when i first met him he used that word quite frequently about his xwife and he was divorced almost 20 yrs deep down then i knew he still had baggage from other relationships and told him then i didn’t think he was ready for a loving relationship because i’m the one who will get the brunt of it and i did. if anyone can be of help because i really still love him and tend to think of all the great times we had instead of in the end we both were miserable please help i just want to move forward make a fresh start and never look back. Thanks Linda V
Thank you for your help in trying to figure this out and this site has helped me alot but i still am this terrible living situation that gets worse every day, and still crying about Frank and why did he do this not only to me himself too if only i was there the few days he was having chest pains and could not breathe, he cud be alive right now, none of this insanity that followed like a spiral going down fast one thing after another ending up in a lunatic asylum that originally was for ohysical therapy after surgery all brcause Frank would not let me come back to my own apt losing everything my paintings my clothes, all my things in storage oils and acrylics atleast 400 tubes of high grade paint canvases easel high grade museum photography all matted and backed all my art materials a brand new sterns and foster queen matress antiques photography pics of my whole family albums that were high grade of my father calligraphy i cud go on and on only to have left my 2 cats that this girl is still watching whom i am now getting uncomfortable about how these cats are doing and how she is taking care of them and need to get an apt immediately but dont hv any funds yet to get one and living in comstant danger in a place thats very dangerous for my well being all i hv left is a suitcase with almost nothing left and all of this insanity being left with nothing but a suitcase of just barley anything all because of Frank not letting me come back finding out i was still legally in the lease imtil jun 15th not march 10th this man that i treated like a God lived with for almost 3 yrs telling me all the time that he loved me and wanted to marry me changed so much as time went on right before he had that heart attack and grew much worse after i had the surgery i wonder now how could i now still love this man who not only died and had i been there seeing him not being able to breathe walking around a week with chest pains yes he could have died anyway even if i brought him to the hosp he was going to and drs that were his and even he did pass atleast i wud have been there with him not in some crazy place only seeing him once since my surgery on my hip but could hv healed had stability had not lost everything not have ended up in this horrible place and i still wonder why??? Why did he not only kill himself but he killed me my cats and my life losing everything including him and have slowly been taking actions to get my life somewhat stable because living like this is not only dangerous and my cats need to be with me before they end up being so traumatized they will die i cant take another loss esp them that even my orthopedist at the hosp for special surgery who knew Frank and knew the insane situation that ive been going thru told me i have to get stable living somewhere decent if only a room and my cats are very important now because there is no one now in my life that is nuturing and loving and need love and to be nutured and need to be with them living like a human being in a human stable apt getting back to my art and my work immediately or ill just get worse never better hes right i do need that and today i feel almost nothing anymore about Frank only that i got beaten down even before this all happened and wish now i never met him or fell inhe never loved me had he even cared ine bit he never wud hv let me go living frm one person in the e crazy a place like this even thougwasgood i did get alot of physical therapy but what insanity i went thru he never cared about me whether i lived or died and he took me down with him only hhe died and im now in a living death. Thanks for listening Linda Victor
Linda,Try not to blame yourself.When we lose someone we love,most of us will feel guilt in not doing something.The guilt will further your anguish.Even if you brought him to the hosp he wanted,you wouldn't know the outcome.Anything heart related,can be very sudden and change without notice.I know of the anguish,because I feel it myself as well as the guilt.The day my brother went missing,I was working and had text him,I wished I had spoken to him instead and for 3 yrs now,I still think of this.If I had spoken to him,could I have detected something in his voice,I would have left work in that instance.WHY didn't I as a sister seen/known something.
Not to change subject,but to let you know,there are groups within this group you can join and bond with others going through the same loss.On top screen,Click on:Community,Select:Groups,Highlight Group you want to join,Scroll down to Common Wall and highlight the name of the group.As you see on Main Wall there are many Bereaved Spouses,that would be a good group to join,they will reach out to you.
Thank you for your welcoming response boy do i need this group. I lost my xfiance very unexpectedly and was still living with him but had a total hip teplacemennt in nyc at the hospital for special surgery & lived 235 miles away and had to stay in the city for atleast 3 weeks and was going back to saratoga springs but my then fiance told me several times that he needed to take me off the lease because he owed 1,,200 in rent & needed money to pay the rent because of eviction and could not get help with my name on lease too. I thought no big deal and said ok. To get to the point it turned out i was only permitted to see my cats (whom he took care of for me and they looked so great) and saw him only for one day snd was told by mgr & him i cud not stay more than 24 hrs brcause i was off the lease, so i gathered we were broken up and packed some things because & he told me because my walking was still bad he would continue to watch the cats(he loved animals) & i trusted him as if i had them also he said to come back in a couple of wks and then take them if can,moving foward that was the last time i saw him he was so great for just that one day and it was so great being home sleeping with my kitties comforting me and then he came into the bed and comforted me that was my home and was so upset when i left i had to rent a car and drive all the way back even further to the jersey shore where my cousin (one of many i stayed with) was and after that he never let me come back, coming up with tons of excuses (he had a quadruple bypass 20 yrs befre & had a heart attack right befire my surgery and i cancelled my surgery my hip was so bad at tthat point i cud barley walk but managed to have a friend help me and drive me for four days in a row sitting at his side cring and praying asking God to take my life for his that he was my tower of strength and everone even folk who only met him for minutes said he was so strong he had such an aura of strength & had so many miracles that happened to him before escaping death i knew he wud have another one and he did he just woke up his heartbeat stayed stable and they released him in a week, i could not believe it. He even drove the nect day 60 miles. Meanwhile i cud now not even walk to elevators or do anything but didnt want him to take me to the city after what just occured a heart attack. But i needed the surgery really bad and rescheduled and he had his family nurses and help but didnt want it or so he said need it but did not let him drive 238 miles to the city and go thru massive stress i was afraid he would die and it would have been too much. Five months going from one place to another and he was getting more and more abusive and i waa not permitted in his words to come unless i took all my stuff and the cats and leave the same day that was impossible with my hip?? And driving about 800 miles round trip in one day, after all this i ended up in an adult facility getting physical therapy and begging him to come home i missed him my cats so much but he was acting more and more crazy and he knew i did not now have any money to rent a car or get there and he said he still loved me but didnt want to live with me and that the dr said he had to go on August 4th to the hosp he was in to either get a pacemaker or see if his heart got any stronger. I said i wish i could be there and wanted to be there for him because he also was starting to say for a week before he died he was getting worried and scared because he couldnt breathe good & had that not after the heart attack not when he smoked ever, plus he had chest pains for over a week on and off but carried kitty litter and heavy things and told him to stop it. His last call he said he was going to hosp he said i was poisoning him (I wasnt there in 3 mos) and that if there was he was telling them & left the mgr a ltr next call i got was 1 day later frm mgr telling me Frank passed away last nite & she said his family was very mad at me.