Hi Nea,
Thank you for your reply. My heart goes out to you and your loss. As time goes on there are good days and bad, but the number of good is getting better. For me and my situation...I have been seeing a therapist and most importantly being open and honest about how I feel to those who are close to me. The emotions are so extreme and sometimes tangled up, as I miss my mother greatly and am very angry at my father for what he has done. For my own sanity I have to be honest about my feelings. I make no excuses for what he did and I do not condone it. I need my friends and family but I can't tell lies to smooth it over for them, that just forces me to stuff my true feelings. They say that things like this show you who your true friends are...I think that is true, but my honestly has brought me closer to my true friends than ever before, and my heart swells with gratitude for having them has made all the difference. I had to stop the wishing and wondering about what truly happened that night, I will never know, and even if i did know, that knowldge would change nothing, they are gone, gone to whatever fate lies beyond this... that i do not know either, and I am in no hurry to find out. I had to decide that i want to live my life in the here and now, I do not want to live in their deaths, I had to let them go and move on. This does not erase the pain, it just helped me to change focus on to what is important to me...I am alive, my friends are alive, the people I love are alive, and I want to be here with them, living, loving and laughing. I don't want to live my life stareing at a tombstone and wondering why, there is nothing for me there. This is my experience I hope it helps in some way.
May Peace and love come and fill your heart once more, so that you may rise above your tragedy also.
Big Hugs!
Maria