I am so lonely today. Once again I woke up to the sound of my mom calling my name, or rather her name for me, "Mama." She called me Mama for the last 2 years of her life. I didn't mind the fact that we had switched roles. Some days were better that others. Some days she was my same ol' mother. Other days, she was my child. Either way, I know I heard her this morning. I was happy, then sad as the realization set in. Two months... I can't believe it has been two months. I still can't clean out her room. When I moved her in with us, I down sized the majority of her belongings. If I get rid of the rest of of it, it seems so final. I am so confused! I just miss her so much. It seems like at all the major crossroads in my life she was there to guide me, to say just the right thing. I miss my compass. I just keep thinking that no matter how I old get I was still her child. Now I am a child without a mother. Am I grieving for her or for my loss? My mom blessed my life. How many people can you truly say that about?
Lisa, We know the pain you are in. All of us who have lost a "best friend" have felt the same. I watched my dear Mother pass away in my home and 18 days later I sat with my sweet Mother in law and watched her pass away. It's been very, very difficult. But, as each day passes, I feel the "old" me coming back. It's been 4 months and I am laughing with my granddaughters and sewing and exercising. The things I did before I became my Mom's full time caregiver. We can't be sad because they are gone and we don't feel needed anymore. We have to start thinking about what makes us happy and do it. Get some fresh air, go play in the dirt. Rent a funny movie. Not every day is good for me. I still have my moments and if I sit and dwell on the losses I've just had, I'd be crying all day. I won't let myself fall into that routine. My Mother would be mad at me for dwelling on the sad times. I know we are all different, but this is working for me. God bless you!!
Thank you so much my e-mail address is firstname.lastname@example.org. I am trying not to be mad at God but i want to blame him for taken her away from me and my sister, but I know it is not his fault. If i could only hear her voice. I will keep in touch and the words you said today will be helpful.
LISA I KNOW HOW YOU FILL I JUST LOST MY MOTHER ON THE 13TH OF THIS MONTH YOU EXACT WORDING IS JUST HOW I FILL. IT WILL NEVER GET BETTER FOR ME I AM SICK. MY MOM WAS MY BEST FRIEND ALSO I WANT TO CALL HER BUT I KNOW SHE IS NOT THERE. WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO. WHEN YOU FIND THE STRENGTH PLEASE LET ME KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS. BEACUSE RIGHT KNOW I CAN'T. I ALSO TOOK CARE OF MY MOTHER, BUT UNLIKE YOU I HAVE A SISTER THAT IS SUPPORTIVE BUT SHE DOESN'T STAY HERE SHE LEAVES IN TEXAS. PLEASE KEEP IN TOUCH.
I know how you feel about losing your mom. I was my mom’s best friend and caregiver and I loved every minute of it too. Like you said “she was the one person in this world that I knew always loved me.” So many of your words exactly echo mine and my feelings about my mother.
I also have a sister and a brother who both had a very different relationship with Mom (and me)-a pretty rocky and rebellious one. I know they all loved each other but it sure didn’t make Mom’s life any easier by some of the things that happened along the way. At those times I was Mom’s rock but far more often she was mine. Even a little thing like her saying, “It will all work out..” would make me feel better. The words coming from her were like a magic bullet.
Mom passed away January 2, 2010 and about 2 weeks ago I thought I heard her calling me. I I have since imagined her ‘joining in’ on conversations with Dad and I. Just little comments here and there, or one of her down-to-earth chuckles at something one of us said. I talk to her but I want her to talk to me. I would give anything to talk to her again.
I feel your despair. I ache thinking of the pain she must have suffered at the end of her life. I need her too. I miss Mom so much that words can’t do it justice. Believe me I know exactly how you feel. I want my Mom back too.
If you want to ‘talk’ further and don’t feel like posting online my email is email@example.com
Lisa, You're very welcome. That would be a great way to honor your Mother. By being the best Mother that you can be to your children.
I'm glad you're having a better day today. Don't be hard on yourself when you do have those "sad" days.
I'm so glad that you have a family to lean on,as The 1st year is a hard one . All of those "1st" without our loved one is painful. But like I told you before. There will come a time when you will be able to think about her and not cry. Take Care.
Dear Lisa,, Please know that you are not alone. You and your Mother had a beautiful relationship. I lost my Mom too. Like you and your Mom,my Mom was my Best Friend. She was a big part of my every day life and my husband and kids lives. I took care of her every need. She passed away in our home last June of Cancer. She was 63. I can tell you that you will always miss her,but there will come a time when you will be able to think about her and not cry from the pain of losing her.
....my life. She was my shopping buddy, the one person I told all my secrets to, my prayer partner and most important, then one person in this world that I knew loved me, NO MATTER WHAT! Even though I have a supportive fiance, I feel so alone. I am lost.
I know she would be disappointed in me for feeling this way. I know she would tell me to move foward, but I am stuck.
I lost my mom on Dec. 2, 2009. I am overwhelmed with the loss. I miss her so much I physically ache. Mom had lived with me and my fiance for over 2 years. It was an honor and priviledge to be her only caregiver. She suffered from stroke related demensia. Although there were lots of confused days and sleepless nights for me and I really left my home, I would go back to that in a heartbeat. I am simply lost. I have no purpose now. I am so tired of hearing, "She is in a better place now" and "you can get back to your life" She WAS