God has a special plan for your life and has left you here to fulfill it. Grieve your loss but know that you are special in God's sight and he wants you to give your life to him and find out what his will for you is. We know it isn't to be wasted. You have been given a second chance. If you need help consult with a clergyman and get some real counseling on what is causing you to try to escape into drugs rather then live life without them. Free to be the you God wants you to be. I will be praying for you that you follow through and have a life lived in the power that can give you new vision and hope for a life worth living.