At this stage I think numb is good. You can only handle so much. I found a suicide survivor site early in my grief. Talking to strangers there really helped save my sanity. Kinda why Ive come bck to forums...wanting to help. I have run the gambit looking for answers, realizing my own weaknessess, finding strength, hope. Its been a long journey, and I didnt do it alone. I had help. If I can help please let me know.
I definitely understand, my sister and i want my brother back as well. I honestly feel your pain. When my sister is hurting or depressed i try to stay strong because if we are both in that position things can get ugly. Our minds could get seriously weak and that is something that we need to stay away from. If you feels the need to stay strong for your family, you should seek counsiling it helps a little. The counsilors don't actually understand our pain but it is the first process of healing because they listen while we talk. i also suggest you tell random people about your brother's story because that will allow you to vent. Within the three months of telling people about my brother's story he have became a hero. People began to tell me their personal stories with struggling with suicide thoughts. I also recommend you get in your car and holla really loudly that helps too.
I am sorry to hear about your brother, i lost my big brother August 16, 2009. It still feels like yesterday but i continue to pray and i will also pray for you to get better. It will be hard but you can get through. I made it clear to myself that i am a new man because my brother played a major role in my life and without him life has been very different. I am living with that understanding now so it helps me grow but it don't stop the tears but it helps. I suggest you surround yourself with people that will support you anytime of the day and especially the people who love your brother dearly. All of the good conversations i have with people about my brother makes me feel good. I will always praise my brother like people praise so many famous people. I open up my hearts and arms to you. Peace.
I was sorry to read about the loss of your baby brother. From one sister to another I understand. My brother was 38 and he died the same way as yours. If there is anything I can help with let me know. Im sorry you have reason to be but glad you found it. It is with a heavy heart that I welcome you