MY NAME IS MARILYN, I'M NOT SURE HOW TO BEGIN THIS ---- I LOST MY HUSBAND TO HEART DISEASE ON DECEMBER 4TH 2009. ACTUALLY, I PREFER TO TELL YOU HE DIED IN MY ARMS ON DECEMBER 1ST. IT ALL HAPPENED SO FAST, HE SAID HE WAS DIZZY, LOOKED ME IN THE EYES, TRIED TO SAY SOMETHING AND THEN HE WAS GONE. WE TRIED CPR, WHEN THE PARAMEDICS ARRIVED THEY DID ALL THE THINGS I KNOW RON WOULDN'T HAVE WANTED DONE, BUT THEY GOT A HEARTBEAT BACK AND GOT HIM TO THE HOSPITAL. AFTER 72 HOURS AND WATCHING HIS BODY TRY TO DIE, I HAD THEM REMOVE THE BREATHING TUBE, THEY SAID IF HE WOKE UP I WOULD ONLY HAVE WHAT WAS LAYING ON THE BED, THE LACK OF OXYGEN WOULD CAUSE BRAIN DAMAGE.I KNEW RON WOULD NEVER FORGIVE ME IF I KEPT HIM THAT WAY, BUT TELL ME, HOW DO I FORGIVE MYSELF? IT ONLY TOOK A FEW HOURS FOR HIM TO LEAVE, BUT THOSE HOURS, OH DEAR GOD, THOSE HOURS! I AM SO LOST WITHOUT HIM, AND I AM SO AFRAID I WASN'T THERE ENOUGH FOR HIM. I WAS SO ANGRY AT THE DISEASE, NOT RON, BUT IN SOME WAYS LOOKING BACK I FEEL LIKE I WAS NOT ALWAYS THERE FOR HIM. MY MIND KNOWS I DID EVERY THING I COULD TO KEEP HIM WELL AND COMFORTABLE, BUT MY HEART ACHES SO BAD, THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO SAY TO HIM.THINGS I SHOULD HAVE SAID WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE. FROM THE FIRST, AFTER WE WERE MARRIED, HE WOULD TELL ME HE PROBABLY WOULDN'T LIVE PAST 60, HIS FATHER AND A BROTHER BOTH DIED OF HEART DISEASE AT AGE 60, IT HAPPENED, AND THERE AGAIN I WAS SO ANGRY, HE MADE IT HAPPEN!!! I KNOW HE DIDN'T, BUT IT WAS JUST ONE MORE HURT. WE ARE ALL SO DEVESTATED,RON AND I WERE MARRIED TWO MONTHS SHORT OF 38 YEARS, WE HAVE 4 CHILDREN, 3 BOYS, ONE GIRL, AGES 17 TO 34 WHEN RON PASSED AWAY, I CAN'T EVEN PUT INTO WORDS WHAT IT WAS LIKE, I CAN'T EVEN SAY WHAT IT'S LIKE NOW. I WAKE UP EACH MORNING AND GO TO BED EACH NIGHT. I DO CHILD-CARE DURING THE DAY TO PAY THE BILLS AND KEEP A ROOF OVER MY HEAD, BUT I'M NOT LIVING, I'M EXISTING. I CAN'T SEEM TO FIND ME ANYWHERE.