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  • San Clemente, CA
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My Mother just died.

Posted on October 4, 2009 at 12:39am 2 Comments

My mother died on September 12, 2009. I was with her everyday for the past 6 months when it all started with outpatient surgery... up to the second she took her last breath. Before she started sleeping nonstop, we held hands and just stared at each other. I slept by her side holding her hand. I saved her life 3 times over Doctor oversight, but she could no longer keep on fighting. At the end she was so tired, and asked that I let her go. I finally told her I would be OK, and she could go. She… Continue

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At 8:42pm on October 15, 2009, Jenn said…
Hi Marilyn, I'm glad you wrote back.
We are now into our 2nd month . Most times I still cannot believe it's true that he is gone and yet sometimes I feel like its been a long time already.
The funeral itself seems so surreal.
I did go home (6hr drive) and spent 3 really good days with my Mom. We laughed and cried and also went to the cemetery. I actually went by myself the night I got into town and it was dark outside. I would never had thought there would be a day I would go into a cemetery by myself in the pitch dark but it was not scary or anything. I find it peaceful there and I feel like I'm going just to be close to him. Even for just a short time. The grass is still raised and the flowers are still there although their dead of course.
It is so new and then I look at it and cannot believe it. I cry so hard there but yet I still feel like I want to go there and visit him. Perhaps its my way of trying to believe its really true. If I lived in that city I would be there every other day I'm sure. I did stay and sleep in my Dads bed and I was actually okay. It did not make me more depressed so that was good. You wrote you were moving into your Moms house and same room. I think you will find comfort there, it will be a mix of happy times from the past and also yes I think there will be sadness too but also of great comfort and feeling of being close to her. I found the days I was home my spirits were better all in all yet I was sad looking at Dads chair empty. Now that I'm back home again here I feel "down" .
I will certainly look for that book you recommended.
This weekend I'll go to the bookstore.
With your move into your Moms house is it close to where you live now? Are you moving alone or do you have a family? (if thats too personal you don't have to reply to that ).
I'm just wondering if your doing this move alone .
Oh, if it works better to email me let me know and I can send my email address... this "add a friend" thing doesn't seem to work.
At 9:04pm on October 6, 2009, Jenn said…
Hi Marilyn, thank you so much for your kind words.
You were not "rambling" (as you put it) at all. In fact your words comforted me very much . I had tears reading them because of what you wrote. I do wish I had seen him again but I have to believe he knows how much I loved him even though I was not there . I am like you, still in so much pain because he will no longer be there to talk to and laugh with. I want to scream "there is no way I can live the rest of my life without seeing him so give him back" but that doesn't do anything or bring him back. It is real; as you said. So real, so ugly real. I'm going home this coming Saturday to spend time with my Mom. This will be hard for me without my Dad there. In fact I will be sleeping in his room and his bed. Instead of it making me more sad I hope I can turn it around and find peace being there. It will be hard I know though because I already feel it and I'm not there yet.
When I got into the shower this AM I cried again, as I do every morning. The second I wake up I think "oh my God" and instant grief hits me. This morning though I thought of what you wrote and if I can think
that way; to think he chose to go without me being there then maybe it can help. I thought about you, how hard it must have been for you sitting with your Mom so long watch her and for you to have lost your father already previously and I thought of how I'm not alone in this and I said a little prayer for us so that we can make it another day.
It truly is one day at a time. Yes, your Mom seemed to have made sure you were going to be all right before she left. That must bring you a lot of comfort.
Yes, they are in a better place for sure. It seems they knew, both your Mom and my Dad didn't they?
I don't know if I wrote this before but my Dad's sister who lives in Holland passed away the same day as he did. Perhaps it was she who "sat with him a little while" when he asked the nurse to get us in his final moments.
At 9:18pm on October 4, 2009, Jenn said…
Hi Marilyn, I feel I have to write to you because I read your Mom passed away Sept 12 09 and that is the same day as my Dad passed away. He was 84. He was given a year to live in August and I was trying to come to terms with that and then boom he passed away just like that. He lives 6 hrs away from me and I had a call late that night from my Mom who said "Dad wants all the kids to come see him"
Well, within 30 minutes from there, just as I was on my way out the door to make the drive we got a call again saying "its too late, he is gone".
I am so devastated. I know the feeling of numbness, shock, and everything you said you feel. I cry and cry and cannot beleive I will never see him again. I am 44 and was the baby of the family. I don't know how I am going to make it without seeing him. I miss his laugh and voice already . It has been 3 weeks , I want him back. I'm glad you were able to sit with your Mom until the end. It haunts me that nobody made it to the hospital to be with him. The nurse said my Mom was in the elevator when he died. She was 2 min. to late. I am trying to believe he was "not alone" , that God sat with him in that moment but It hurts so bad that none of us made it to him on time.

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