marilyn, I to went through the same thing with my fiance, on nov. 2nd i took him to the emergency room, we sat there for 8hrs. they took him to the icu and told me to wait till they got him settled, so i left to pick up our daughter from school and returned 45 mins later to be told he was intabated and wouldn't make it through the next few hours, so I can understand your shock, it was also mine, i fell out right there in the hallway, I couldn't believe it. we walked into the hospital that morning and be afternoon they gave me no hope, well he lived till thanksgiving day and i never got to talk to him or hold him or share anything with him after they took him into the icu. I never got to hear his beautiful voice or look into his eyes again, for 24 days i went everyday hoping he'd come out of it and he never did. I held him while he died, i listened to his heart beat slowly stop and as he took his last breathe I begged him to take me with him, friends and family are a help, but they just don't understand the kind of loss we feel, if they still have there spouses by their side. any kind of loss is a hurt, but the loss of the person you excepted to spend the rest of your life with is so different, the pain, the ache is so strong it takes your breath away at times. My heart aches so much i don't want to go on or feel or care about anything but the day i can be with him again. I will never be whole again, i don't care what anyone says, they just don't know. We have been together as friends and lovers for so long and than when we finally desided we should get married we never got to do it, we always thought there'd be a tomarrow and there's no guarenty that tomarrow will ever come, it didn't for us. I miss him everyday and i call his cell phone just to hear his voice message andeveryday I ache for him and sometimes think its just a dream and i'll wake up and he'l be here and he's not. I can't see a future without him and don't really want one. I'll keep you in my prayers and hope your ache lessens some day, for me it's a no go, the ache wil never go away