When we moved to Jim's hometown in 1999, it was supposed to only be until his parents passed and then we would move to where my one daughter was living. We moved into their small two bedroom house and made one bedroom Jim's computer room-TV room. So I have the king sized bed and that's it. Jim had his heart attack in bed while taking a nap. I could barely stand to go into the bedroom and slept on the sofa for two weeks. My daughter talked me into sleeping in our bed before she left to go home. She wanted to be here for me when I did that. It was very hard but thanks to sleeping pills and anti-depressants I am coping. If I don't take the sleeping pills I have some of the most horrible nightmares and they're all about Jim getting killed (he was a cop). My pills enable me to get at least 6-7 hours of decent sleep and I don't remember if I dream or not. I will keep taking the pills as long as I need as I really can't cope when I'm tired.
I have been trying to find a grief support group around here but so far no luck. I live in a small town and the hospice that serves our area is from another county. I don't know when they will have another session.
I've been wondering when I'll be able to clean out Jim's closet or start getting rid of his things. Every time I think I will I start crying, so know I'm not ready yet. Everything is still just where he left it, his medicine, his toiletries, etc. How long did it take you before you could do this? One person told me she had to pack her husbands clothes after three months because every time she opened the closet she'd see his clothes and break down. I guess it doesn't matter when I do it, it's just another blow that makes me realize I'll never see him again.
Thanks for listening.
I feel the same as you. Why did Jim have to leave me? There are so many things I have had to deal with that I never did before. Like the garage door breaking, the mower not starting, etc. I'm sure you've had similar experiences. Then I get angry, then I cry again.
I know it will get better, I'm just hoping that it's sooner rather than later. There are some days that all I do is cry. I'm getting tired of it myself. I can understand why other people don't want to be around me!
I am thankful I found this site. I don't feel so alone after reading what everyone else has to say. Thanks for responding.