Hoping that you are doing okay?I know it will never be the same without ours sons..Hugs

martha, after the 1 year, its gotton much worse,the cloud of shock is wearing off and i now see that my baby isnt coming back... the real story is here. i cant handle it and i do not want to live without him. i have tried many councelors but non have lived with i am going through. i wake up, try getting through the day,, then cant wait to go to bed and cry myself to sleep. its the same every day. i have no friends. i am so alone. thinking of you... hugs, valerie

So well said. I just passed the fifth year of Ryan's sunset date and I found only a few times that the tears came. In the past I've been inconsolable. Funny thing is I'm not sure how to handle this new "relief" of the constant crying. Part of me does not want to get better. I need to do more of the meditating. It DOES work.

Martha, Thank you so much. We never got to say good bye to our Grant. We never got to see him after the accident, maybe if I could of seen him I could accept it a bit better. He was so full of life. I have asked so many times what we could have done different. I just miss him so much. Thanks for listening. Nadine

Martha, Thank you so much. We never got to say good bye to our Grant. We never got to see him after the accident, maybe if I could of seen him I could accept it a bit better. He was so full of life. I have asked so many times what we could have done different. I just miss him so much. Thanks for listening. Nadine

martha, thank you for taking the time to write. i read notes over and over.. i inhale all the words of love and hope. we all have a different story with the same sad ending. the one year anniv of dustys passing will be aug 28. this has been the absolute worst year i could have ever imagined. yes i was there when he was on drugs for a number of years, did everything humanly possible i could for him, and all the while watching my only son kill himself with useless drugs. it just wasn t the fact that he passed, it was all the years of struggle trying to keep him alive, a month or so before he passed, i asked him when he would please stop, he simply said he wasnt ready.. was else could i have done, i keep asking myself and feel guilty if...there would have been just one more thing... i wish there was. h e was my only child... despite his drug abuse, i loved him like no other and accepted him knowing his body was filled with a disease he could just not beat. my heart aches every day, i cry every day, i wake up and just count the hours before i can go to bed and get away from the horrible pain.
i dont yet feel a shred of hope for myself.
valerie