Michael Smith
  • Male
  • Riverdale, MI
  • United States
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At 11:07am on March 13, 2018, Susan Farrell said…

I guess a lot of us have families that trigger anger.  My late husband used to say crudely:  having a resentment is like peeing in your pants, you are the only one who feels it.  I took a Hospice course while I worked as a nurse and studied Death and Dying.  People have no idea what to say to someone who has had a profound loss in their life.  I used to bristle when anyone made a negative comment about my husband, but that went away.  I was very raw emotionally and could not handle anything said about him.  Now with John dying, I am back to being quick to anger when someone talks about him.  I think the worst is when someone is so uncomfortable speaking about death, they act like the person never existed.  I am here for you Michael.   Sue

At 9:21am on March 13, 2018, Susan Farrell said…

Hi Michael, thank you so much for writing to me.  Hugs back to you.  I feel the same way about being in our bedroom.  After dinner we went there for the rest of the night.  My room has chairs, so it was like a den too.  Everything I see reminds me of him.  I hate to come home.  I cry and cry and cry.  I am losing the little family support I've had. It's only been three weeks since I lost John.  My brother hurt me last night by saying I need to get over it.  I'm tired of listening to your crap.  How hurtful!  I have three kids and only one is kind, gentle and patient with me.  I am thankful for that.  I lost my husband in 2014.  Ironically, his birthday was October 28th. A painful day for both of us.  Again, thanks for reaching out to me. I am here for you if you ever need to "talk".  Sue

At 10:28am on June 19, 2017, Mary. Jane said…
Hi Micheal. I am so happy you were able to connect with everyone else..and that you continued to come here even tho you had yet to receive a response. I dunno why I clicked on your name that night, I saw you were online, and when I read your post, and realized it had been nearly 10 days, I knew I had to do something! If no ne had responded to me when I first came here, I would have been crushed...lol...I am glad you had the tenacity to hang around. I think the best thing about this place, is I know I am not alone in my grief and emotional fears...and there is always someone hear to support us. I am sorry your wife died, and she was so young!
Family doesn,t really understand..they seem to think that we "should be over it" as time passes. Unless they have been in our shoes, they can,t know that sometimes it gets WORSE as
time passes...and, also, sometimes our "Family" tends to be people we're are "Stuck with" (Not imeadiate family, like your children) they might be people we would have never befriended...where I now live my husbands family lives here..and if I asked they would help me..but I don,y want to b obligated to them. Which is tough, as I DON!T DRIVE! And I am stuck in an area with no public transportation...in Oklahoma..where we retired to 13 years ago...the rest of my family and friends are in Northern California, where I plan to return to, but I seem to be frozen in time, and immobile. I just hope it will,get better and I will find the will to get my tushie in gear.
So, welcome Micheal..btw, I LOVE that u talk to yr wife all the time...I do the same. I feel BOb is always with me, and he helps me get through each day. Bye for now..
Mary Jane
At 2:58pm on June 15, 2017, Mary. Jane said…
Hi Micheal...welcome to Legacy. NO one has responded, as your post is kind of hidden on your personal page. Omg, I hope you DIDN,t think we were ignoring you...you need to go to the main page, and click on bereaved spouses, or when a spouse or partner dies...this site is a bit difficult at first to navigate. I feel so badly there wqsn,t a response to your post..
YES YES YES?..what you are feeling is what all of us feel...my husband died of cancer 4 months after your wife died, and I totally understand what you are feeling. There is so much support and understanding here...it
just takes finding the correct place...I hope I have steered you in the right direction...I just happened to see your name that u were online right now...so don,t worry..you have friends here...and we will all be here for you. I will also contact Steve Cain who is sort of one of the people who started this group, and he might b able to transfer your post to where we can all respond.
If you have more trouble, don,t hesitate to leave ME a post on my page, MARY JANE...and yes, I cry every day..just like you. On Saturday, it would have been Bobs and my 50th anniversary...so I am pretty much a wreck at the moment...but rest assured, we are here for you.
At 8:45am on June 6, 2017, Michael Smith said…

My wife and I were given the diagnosis of her cancer two months after her 41st birthday. We were told she would do chemo until she couldn't handle it anymore. She fought for 2 and a half years. She died October 28th 2015, it was our middle sons 18th birthday. She was at home in our living room, a room I still have trouble going into. I talk to her every day and cry most of them. I realized this past weekend that I have trouble getting around family. Especially her side. I'm just wondering if this is something others have experienced?


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