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  • Puyallup, Wa
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At 5:29am on May 24, 2012, Jeff Justus said…

Phyllis ..... your story is so sad. These first few weeks are heart wrenching when you lose a child. I can really say when my son first passed I thought " if this is the way I'm going to feel for the rest of my life .... I really don't want to live ". We've all been through this pain and every pain that you feel is completely normal.

I lost my son on Nov 17, 2010 at the age of 27. He lived in his own apartment and on the afternoon of Nov. 18 , he did not show up for work. This started a chain of phone calls and about 2 hrs later the police entered my son's apartment and found him on his bedroom floor. My son had an aortic aneursym and bled to death. I guess the bright spot was that the coroner informed us that he most likely just instantly dropped and passed away like he was going to sleep. I was thankful that it was a peaceful, fairly painless way to go.

I'm so sad .... I miss my son. You don't raise them .... nurture them ....worry about them ...to have them pass at such a young age. I do have a 22 y.o. son and he gives me the reason to thrive. I now live for him and my wife. We rallied around each other and became stronger as a result.

I really don't know what to say ....except I'm sorry that you had to join us. If you have a compassionate friends group or any other local bereaved parents groups, join!! I did and it so nice to gather with parents and feel free to express what you are feeling ... they also know. Good luck in this lonely travel.

At 5:45pm on May 18, 2012, Phyllis Estes said…


I lost my son eleven days ago.  He kissed my cheek..said he would be back in ten minutes, went for a walk.  He did that all the time.  His fiance and I got worried about about forty five minutes, and started searching everywhere.  He had already drowned, he hit his head..had a gash above his right eye, and apparently fell in the Bay behind my home.  Two and a half days later they found him.  Thank God we didn't!  I am numb and feel like I'm in a big, deep, dark, hole trying to claw my way out.  I want him HOME with me.  I know he is in  Heaven, and he is happy, but the ones left behind are in hell.  I hope we can talk more.  I'm here for every single person who has lost a child or anyone else.  It HURTS so much, and we need this connection.  I know I do.


~Phyllis..Chads' Mom

At 4:44pm on April 18, 2010, Juanita said…
Michelle, I lost my husband to a gunshot also. He came home from work and I was taking an old stero down and forgot to unplug it and was fixing to cut the wire and he screamed honey your going to kill yourself. He went out and put the stero in the back of the truck came in and got his gun and put it to his head and I called 911 laid the phone down and pleading and crying and telling him how much me and our daughter loved and needed him but he went to the front porch and lenaed upon a post to steady himself and I was trying to pull his arm down but couldn't and was telling him I loved him and needed him in our lives. His brother had died just a few months before then and he had called him on the phone and his ex wife answered and said he was sick on the floor. Roy could hear him saying something and he told her to get off and call 911 she would not get off the line. Roy could hear him taking his last breaths. He hung up and called his daughter in another state and told her what was going on and finally after a long time she called 911 with her kids threating her if she did not. Roy was never the same after that. Where he worked a man gave him a gun just like he used in Viet Nam and it pleased him to get it but after that he got to having flash backs and was even trying to loose weight to get into his uniform. We finally talked him into going to the doctor for depression and he did..He took the pills for 3 days and just came home kissed me as usual ate a sandwich and put the stero in the truck an came in and got the gun. I amafraid me messing with the stero had something to do with it because it made a big pop. I just can not get that out of my mind did that pop make him snap or the loss of his brother and Viet Nam both work together to cause this. He was a good Christian man and a witness for God everyday so I know he was saved. He would get up at 4 in the morning and read his Bible before work and during work he would call me and tell me what he had just read. As a matter of fact the day he died he called wanting me to read a passage from the Bible because he got so much from it.
This does not sound like a man that wanted to die.
My life has changed so much in this year and a half. I miss his smile and his voice so badly. The answer to making new friends is to do like I did.
I called up some that I use to work with that I knew their husbands had passed away and we got together and just talked our problems together. That really helped me cope. Roy and I had invited a couple to church and the Sunday before he died they came for the first time and we took them out to lunch and they were and still are such a help to me. I too feel like some old friends just do not know what to talk to me about. I can tell you as time slowly passes God will start to give you a peace as you seek him.
I do not know if your a Christian or not but if you are keep your eyes upon him for he promises us he will bring a comforter to us but it will be in his time when we need it the mostl It is all in his time..I am so sorry you and your children had to go through this because my daughter was so close to her dad and now whith her husband of 2years gone she is having a really hard time dealing with it all. At least she moved in with me and we are a family at least most of the time. If you ever need someone to talk to just email me at roynita@bellsouth.net and we can talk about our problems. Your in my prayers God Bless. Juanita
At 11:31pm on January 27, 2010, Michelle said…
My husband of 14 years, seen in the picture with our two oldest children, died from a self inflicted gun shot wound on June 15, 2000. Since then my life has changed a lot, but I still am grieving him not being in our lives.
Our children were 4, 7 and 9 when he died. Now my oldest son is 19, and our daughters are 17 and 13. I have since remarried and have two more girls, 5 and 7.
I have felt the pain of losing Jon especially when our oldest graduated high school and went to college on a scholarship. He has done so well, and I am so proud of him, yet I can't share this with his father. The girls also are doing very well in school and activities. They don't get into trouble, and the worse thing I can say is they don't keep their rooms clean.
When will this pain ever leave me? I can't seem to let go of the wish to give his blessing to my son and daughters. I can see the hole he left in their hearts, as well as mine, and I can't seem to fill it with extra mothering. I pray for this all the time, but I never have peace.
I also have continued to spiral into myself and have watched so many "friends" just abandon me, that I have lost the desire to reach out and make new ones. My old ones don't know what to say? perhaps, and so they just don't try. I am too big of a case and it's too overwhelming? I am guessing.
I don't know how to make and keep friends anymore. I struggled with this area of my life before this happened, and now it is sooooo much harder, I don't know how or where to begin. And I am the type of person who needs friends, especially those who I can laugh a lot with, to be happiest in my life. So, the suicide was really my worst nightmare.
If anyone reads this, and has an idea to help me make friends who won't be scared off by my husbands suicide, please write.

Thank you,

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