Misty sorry to hear of your loss. I too just loss my dad in death on Aug 5th 2012. It is very important that you allow yourself the time to grieve. And that while you are grieving you have support.
Grieving is a necessary emotional release. Releasing your feelings can relieve the pressure you are under. The natural expression of emotions, if coupled with understanding and accurate information, lets you put your feelings in proper perspective.
One thing that has helped me with my grieving is the hope found in the Bible John 5:28,29 and Revelation 21:4.
I am so sorry that you lost your mom in such a way. Losing a parent is awful. Being angry is ok especially in your situation. My father died in a work accident which was because of the negligence of the company and I am very angry with them. He was only 53. He died on April 4th 2012. I cried everyday after he died for 4 months.
One thing that I found really helps me is writing a journal about how I feel. Sometimes its a letter to my Dad and other times its just expressing how angry, sad, depressed, etc I am. It has helped me to get the feelings out. Even when I feel I can't tell anyone.
This community here all understand and are here for you. Don't be hard on yourself. You just lost your mom and it takes a long time to grieve in your own way. Life, a husband, children, work, all can hinder that process as well. Guilt is also ok to feel. I feel that way too sometimes. When I feel that way I try to remember I my dad wouldn't want me to feel that way.
I hope you find a way that helps you cope. There are some articles on this site as well that have helped me as well.
hi misty, just saw your loss. I am so dreadfully sorry, and I am in the same spot as you. Mom passed on Setember 14th 2012. It does get harder - there is just so much trauma going on with us. I went to therapy, and she is going to try EMDR - with me next time, as I keep having flashbacks of ICU.
I can only hope for us that life gets bearable again. Be kind to yourself, and don't push yourself.