Monique, thank you so much for thinking about me. You are the only person the recognizes what a difficult time this is for me. I cannot believe that it has been a year since my Mom died. I still miss her everyday. My brother and sister will not have anything to do with me and I still do not know why. I hope your situation with your siblings has improved. I am ashamed to say that I haven't made many changes to mom's room. It's been a year, I guess it's time. Once again thank you for thinking of me! I guess there are angels amongs us.
right now after reading your post my lips are tight fighting the emotion I feel, and surprising not the tears. I told a friend that it had to be someones Mom, and right now its me. So many things are going through my mind at this moment it is hard. June your loss was so close to mine I can't help but recall January 2. My Mom was here and I was with her at the Rehab Center. She complained that she had a headache and I did too, in fact I asked the nurse about the headache since she had just been released from the hospital. I was with her and she was alive, your Mother was gone. You have the emotions that I have and I feel like I am looking in the mirror. in fact your comments and Lisa's comments are a fact for me. My sibilings and I had problems before because I have mad many mistakes, particularly when I was a teen so the problems just intensified when Mom became really ill this past Summer. My Mom just wanted us to get along and be together but I think Mom had a problem confronting certain situations and did not want anyone to feel she ws siding. The problems cannot be fixed because she passed and we should honor her wishes. I have been called names. yelled at and talked about badly because I wanted our Mom to be taken care of and I was willing to to this even with two small kids and a husband that really is a doll. My potential teaching career put on hold while I risk it all for Mom. Yes I too am angry at our beloved Lord. All he has to do is speak and I can have her NOW. It is a bad dream, a dream where I can only see her death and not her life.
This weekend I have to pack her apartment in another state and that will be hard. I have to do this and it may not be much there, people even took her bad !
In spite of all my emotions I was able to find this site and you two. I don't know if can do this without her, I am sorry I just don't. I am sorry......
I feel the same way you do. Pretty empty inside. Before Mom passed away January 2, 2010 I began and ended each day with a prayer of gratitude. Now I don’t. I prayed for a miracle and it didn’t happen. Instead my Mom has passed away, my heart is broken and my faith is shaken. I leave church feeling empty inside when I should feel comforted. I wish this wasn’t true. I wish I didn’t feel this way but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone in how you feel. I envy those who feel differently. I really do. I want to feel the way I did before but I just don’t.
On good days I picture Mom up in heaven looking beautiful and healthy. I see her smile just like in the photo from her wedding day. She looks radiant. That gives me some comfort—that she is okay. But I feel so lonely without her that I am in anguish. So I hear what you are saying and I feel it too.
If you ever wish to ‘talk’ please don’t hesitate to email me directly. This is the most difficult journey I have ever taken and I need all the help I can get.
Monique, My heart goes out to you. I lost my Mom on Dec 2, 2009. There are days when all I can do is sit and cry. Everything that everyone says, while well-meaning is wrong! Yesterday, I was so angry with God and I told Him so! I think that's okay since anger is an emotion that He gave us. My mom once told me it was okay to be angry, it was just how you handled it. Don't second guess yourself in your decision to take her off the life support. Ask yourself, was she really living or just exisiting? Would it have been better for you or her if you had left her on the breathing tube? I know this is hard. Been there done that. Now that I think back, my mom was already with God, it was just her body there. The part of her that made her my mom, my best friend was already in paradise. I am sure your mom is so proud of you for making such a tough decision. Please remember that there is alot of support for you here in the Legacy community. I am here if you need me. I will pray for God to strengthen you.
Monique...I'm so glad you found this wonderful site with all of us that are compassionate & understanding and going through many of the same emotions and reactions.
I am so sorry about your Mom, but you and she are in a good place now. I wish I had found this site 11 mos. ago when Mom died...it would have been so helpful to talk to others going through the same situations, but I am here now, and finding great comfort in knowing that I am not alone. Being a retired counselor/teacher, I've noticed many similarities with those of us that continue to grieve harder and for longer periods of time than others....mainly siblings! First a foremost, we were usually the closest and most frequent caregiver...if not continual, and most all of us were present with our parent when they passed, and siblings weren't!
Many of us are having huge sibling issues with those same siblings.....I wonder why, dont you?
And if you were the caregiver that took care of them and spent the most time in the end with them, you too are likely not being understood by family/siblings. You might not have been present at the very last moment, but you shared a lifetime of care and giving...along with love, before your parent passed, and other family members are likely jealous of that special time you spent in the end, and one of the ways they deal with it is by NOT dealing with it, and making you feel "crazy, depressed or out of control & needing help," and they are quick to tell you that, too! Don't believe it, and don't let them make you into someone you aren't!
Yes, it will take time, and for all of us, different times for different stages! Soon you will find happier times, and for me that took a long, long time, and still one I am working on!
My paternal grandmother was wonderful, and though gone for over 38 years, I still miss her so, but love to remember the things she told or taught me and one of those has helped me so much with Mom's loss. I come from a large family, but not all lived close, and Grandma always wanted to make sure the tradition of decorating the family graves at the cemetery was carried-on by someone after she was gone...She began showing me at age 7...that was over 50 yrs. ago, and I have not missed a day with her before she died, and with her spirit since. I find that same closeness in going to Mom's grave, and it is healing for me. I decorated for Valentine's yesterday, and loved the time we spent alone, together, and listening to our favorite Michael Jackson songs....as loud as the car volume could go!!! Yes, some would say I was trying to wake the dead...wish I could!
My siblings would call that crazy.....I call it "caring, healing and spending one on one time with Mom!"
God's Speed, Everyone! I am thankful for the "good , kind, caring, compassionate and loving hearts," in all of my newly found friends here at Legacy Grief Support! YOU are my blessing! Hugs! Linda
I am so sorry for your loss and I feel your pain. My Mom passed January 2, of this year from lung cancer and although weeks have gone by I don't really feel much stronger. But I have to say that sharing my feelings with like-minded people has helped a little.
I have siblings and they are handling things differently than I am. I feel like a fish-out-of-water but I was Mom's primary caregiver so I feel a void in my life and I guess I am showing it.
Everything happened so fast that I am in shock. Mom looked so healthy and she never smoked in her entire life. We use to go for 2 hour walks together and now I can't bring myself to walk without her.
I hope you find some comfort in this forum. It can help to share your feelings. I have 'met' some kind souls here. You can email me if you feel the need to 'talk' Junepeony@gmail.com