Tami I want to thank you for the welcome message back in Nov...although I apologize for the lateness of this message! The 20th of this month hit the 1 yr hurdle of the loss of my daughter...the hardest and worst year of my life....but a year in which I allowed myself to completely hit emotional rock bottom and have worked my way back up slowly by writing, talking about her whenever I needed to,(or as I say ramble on to anyone who would listen), writing her letters, journaling every memory I could, and reading books on astrology and numerology obsessively trying to find any clues or answers or reasoning behind all this. What I didn't expect to happen and I was even afraid of it happening I think, was that by throwing myself so completely in my own pain and feeling it so constant for the whole 12 months (no work, sent my other 2 kids with family till just the other day) has somehow healed just enough for me to be ready to begin picking up the pieces of this shattered life of mine... because of that though I now feel guilt or fear of a whole new level...