Although at this point in your life it may not be able to help, do think on this, please. I had been taught not to look with pain on what I lost, but to think of the good times I spent with her, the loving times, the laughter, the smiles, the warmth. Replace the pain with memories that are good. Because I had already learned this lesson when an uncle hung himself (he was in an Easter Seals group home due to his mental illness, otherwise he was normal to anyone that interacted with him. He was part of our family, my wife and kids, and would spend weekends with us. We were stunned when called the day he had hung himself. I got counseling at that time, decades ago. It has helped me at this time, although, to be honest, the pain was deep for a few days for me).
You had many good years with him. Remember the good. The problem with grief so deep and so ingrained is nothing anyone else says, no matter how practical can change how you feel. Only in sharing my experiences we get to know how we each cope. What works for me does not necessarily work for someone else.
I hope we can continue to share our stories with each other. Take care,
You have my sympathy, Norma. I can only speak for myself as my experien ces and coping skills are my unique blend, like everyone else. I had learned, years ago, about suicide. The person who has passed no longer is in pain; those of us left behind feel the pain; feel the helplessnes; have the thoughts, "what could I have done?". The mind is blasted; no coherent thoughts can form. The pain is sharp and doesn't go away.
I had learned in therapy that I was helpless. I could not change the outcome; I can only go on living myself. My saying this does not lessen the pain you feel; It has, for me, helped me go all the way through stages of grief. Others have helped me; mostly, by just letting me talk.
I have to ponder the last few sentences you wrote; I decode the words my way; I am trying to understand your way of thinking. If I understand you, it's not God that gives us trials; the world does that. God supports us, no matter what load was laid on our shoulders. No burden, then, is too great.
Do take care. If you would like to write back and forth, let me know, and I will provide you with my personal email.