Pam Brooks
  • Female
  • Adamsville, AL
  • United States
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Pam Brooks's Page

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I wrote this last year and haven't updated anything.  I am back at work, but still missing my sweet child.  I try to spend my weekends with the grandchildren.  Unfortunately, Brittany also had bronchopneumonia and combination with the meth, she really didn't have a chance.  Her lungs were twice as large as they are suppose to be.  I did not know she was so sick, and I feel awful. 

A week ago I buried my 24 year old daughter. She left two children behind, Dalton and Stephanie. I'm not sure yet what happened. She died in an emergency room and was left there by herself. I had no idea; I was at work and no one contacted me. That night my daughter's in-laws called me to tell me that my baby died of an overdose. I have no idea if this is true or not because we had made some plans for that Saturday to go somewhere. I am still waiting for the toxicology report to come back with the results. I haven't gone back to work yet; all I do is sit and cry.

Pam Brooks's Blog

Happy Birthday, my sweetest angel - Brittany

Posted on May 11, 2011 at 8:30pm 2 Comments

2011%20Brittany%27s%20birthday%20094.jpgI was trying to download my daughter's birthday cake that I bought and put on her grave.  Not sure why I can't do that.

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At 12:09pm on July 21, 2012, Terri - Autumn's Mom said…

Hi Pam,

I was just reading through my own blog and realized you had written on it a long time ago. 

How are you doing??  I hope you're getting to see your grandchildren and spending time with them.

Luckily this year has been pretty busy for me with my 18 year old son graduating high school and all the activities that entailed.  He'll be leaving in less than a month for college.  It's really time for him to go, but it will be so lonely with him gone.  Luckily he'll only be an hour and a half away, so if I really miss him, I can go visit.

Anyway, not sure you're still using this site or not, just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts as well as your beautiful daughter Brittany. 

Hugs!

At 3:18pm on May 8, 2011, Pam Brooks said…
So sorry I didn't get a chance to tell you happy birthday yesterday on this site because you are so special and dear to me.  I miss you always.  It didn't feel right that it was your birthday on Saturday and today is Mother's Day and the only person who came to see you was me to bring your birthday cake to you.  The grandchildren and your husband were away so it was a really rough day....I cried so much, sometimes I don't think I can make it.  I still stomp the floor and cover my eyes while crying like a baby. Why, why, why?????
At 5:11pm on May 7, 2011, Janice said…

HI PAM,

GOOD FOR YOU..YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT FOR YOU GRAND-KIDS..THEY ARE STILL YOUR FAMILY!!! HOW DID EASTER GO FOR YOU. SORRY I HAVEN'T BEEN AROUND. I FOUND A JOB, BEEN THERE ABOUT A MONTH....JUST SOMETHING TO KEEP ME BUSY...I NEEDED THAT. SO DON'T PANIC IF I DON'T RESPOND RIGHT AWAY...I WILL STAY IN TOUCH. YOU TAKE CARE AND I SENDING YOU A HUG AND MY LOVE,

JANICE

At 5:37pm on May 1, 2011, JOYCE MASHER, 4 Amy 5158791808 said…

Hi Pam, sorry it took me a while to get back to your request. Sometimes I cant keep up with the sites I go to!!! Plus I have been working on my pc and a few others.

I will make this short for now. Just glad we can be friends. I see some of the same names all the time and it just hurts to know some of us are still dealing with our loses even yrs later. I have been down a lot myself thru the last holiday. May is a bad month for us. We have 3 birthdays, my Amy on the 15th, my hubby, the 17th and my son, Mike on the 23rd. Of course mothers day and  memorial day. Not looking forward to any of them. I like to just pass over them all. None are the same anymore.

I see others have been talking about books they read, and I too, have read a lot of them. I got thru as best I could reading and then a few months later, I would go backwards in my thoughts of it all. It still sucks no matter what.

Keep your self busy they say, and I just cant do that either.

Hope all is going ok for now. I think we just wait for time to go on for whatever else we are given to deal with. I dont plan anything anymore.

Sorry I am so glum, and again, sorry that we are going thru this.

later

joyce, hugs to all

 

At 5:37pm on May 1, 2011, JOYCE MASHER, 4 Amy 5158791808 said…

Hi Pam, sorry it took me a while to get back to your request. Sometimes I cant keep up with the sites I go to!!! Plus I have been working on my pc and a few others.

I will make this short for now. Just glad we can be friends. I see some of the same names all the time and it just hurts to know some of us are still dealing with our loses even yrs later. I have been down a lot myself thru the last holiday. May is a bad month for us. We have 3 birthdays, my Amy on the 15th, my hubby, the 17th and my son, Mike on the 23rd. Of course mothers day and  memorial day. Not looking forward to any of them. I like to just pass over them all. None are the same anymore.

I see others have been talking about books they read, and I too, have read a lot of them. I got thru as best I could reading and then a few months later, I would go backwards in my thoughts of it all. It still sucks no matter what.

Keep your self busy they say, and I just cant do that either.

Hope all is going ok for now. I think we just wait for time to go on for whatever else we are given to deal with. I dont plan anything anymore.

Sorry I am so glum, and again, sorry that we are going thru this.

later

joyce, hugs to all

 

At 8:54am on April 22, 2011, Terri - Autumn's Mom said…

Pam,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter, what a horrible way to find out.

You commented on the book I'm reading, I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye.

I really needed some answers and to validate what I'm feeling and so far it's been a tremendous help.  Have you read it?

I'm sure one of these days we'll dream of our girls.  I guess when we're ready emotionally??? 

I read what Janice put on your post.  I can't agree with her more.  My kids have always gotten three baskets for Easter (sometimes more), one from the Easter Bunny, my mom and my mother-in-law.  As far as kids are concerned, they can never have too much candy. 

Those kids are your daughters children, no one can take that away from you.  You will always be their grandma!  I hope you get it all worked out.

I'm sending hugs your way!!

At 6:57am on April 10, 2011, Janice said…

Hello Pam, I am so sorry about the lost of your daughter and the pain your going through because of it, then adding insult to injury the mother--in law. Shame on her for not being my sensitive. Her child is still alive so I'm sure she does not know the living hell we as parents who has lost a child go through and shame on your son-in-law for not supporting you. If she just has to show off using the children at least she could do it every other year but, since being fair doesn't seem to be her strong suit go ahead and take matters into your own hands. Who says the children can only have one Easter basket.....no one..so Pam, go ahead and make your babies their basket from grammy Pam, I'm sure they will love it. I to have a daughter-in-law in my life who's parents are around but, we all get along great and on holidays we all buy the grand kids whatever it is we feel like we want to get them Easter included. SO, Pam I say to you make those darn basket and don't worry about what son-in-law or his mother has to say, they are your grand-kids to. I will keep you in my heart and pray...all my love,

Janice 

At 8:19pm on April 3, 2011, francine l dalton said…
hi pam. i lost my eldest daugher nicole this past 4th of july. i understand completely about the grand daughter. my eldest granddaughter by her is 10. she hates night time and sleeps with me because she cant handle being alone because she misses her mom most then. she still has crying bouts and it kills me when she does because all i can do is hug her while she lets it out. i too dont know what to do for her otherwise. i understand also how you feel about your daughters passing. my nicole died from pneumonia(she got it from inhaling charcoal and inflammed wind pipe from the vent) four days earlier from taking too many of her meds while on ambien. she slept walked and went to her backpack and grabbed handfuls of her meds. she woke up in the hospital and didnt know she did this but the damage was done. if she hadnt died in her sleep, she would have died shortly of kidney and liver failure from too many lortabs over 5 years of taking them for back pain. im sure your granddaughter is grateful in having you around to console her. going back to work will come when you feel you should go back. i went back 3 days afterwards only to keep busy and i couldnt handle my ex husband in the house driving me bonkers. so take your time. there are no set rules for this awful experience we are all sharing. i and my granddaughter will pray for you and your granddaughter. lots of hugs your way...fran
At 1:41am on April 3, 2011, Linda Sacquety said…
Hi Pam,  Im so sorry for the loss of your daughter.  I know what you are going through and each day it is so difficult to just put one foot in front of the other and get though our days.  I lost my precious daughter, Darline, to cancer.  She suffered with surgeries, treatments etc for 16 months and NOTHING worked.  It will be 2 years June 17 and I still have trouble focusing on the wonderful things about her life and getting away from the last months of so much pain for all of us.  Im glad you have your grandchildren.  You can see your daughter through them and help them grieve.  You are such an important person to them and need to be strong for them.  Your daughter would "want you to help them" more than anything else.  Please contact me if you want to talk.  Our daughters were our "Life"....now what?  we will help each other.
At 10:34am on March 31, 2011, Kelly Mitchell said…
He was 28 years old when his nightmare began. He showed no signs or symptoms until one night he had 2 seizures, which is when they discovered he had a tumor in his brain. They were able to operate only to discover that the kind of cancer was melanoma one of the deadliest types. He fought 20 months, in that type he got married and headed out West for 3 months with his wife. He packed alot of life into those 3 months. He was so brave and strong. Even at the very end he didn't complain and you could just see how much pain he was in. Today is a hard day it would have been his 31st birthday. I miss him so much. I did get to say goodbye. I just can't even fathom what you are going through right now. I know that living through my Fathers grief of losing a child I do understand the pain... Big big hug to you.
 
 
 

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