I have the same questions. I saw my son the day before he died. Why didn't I see something; I'm his mother I should have been able to tell something was off, but I didn't. I have so many whys and if onlys . It was my job as his mom to be able to see his pain and help him, but I didn't and now he's gone forever. I feel so guilty. Some people as if I'm angry with him.......how could I be angry? He was my baby I should have been there for him. I love & miss him more every day......my pain is not subsiding and I don't want it to....I want to feel this pain for not being there for him.