Sorry for your loss, it's so wrong that your Husband died from something that he got from serving his Country. I was surprised when I saw you were from Clio that's the first time I noticed someone that lived close to me. I don't remember if I responded to your original post, as you said things blur together and I have taken breaks from the site here and there. Like you this was a second Marriage for me and Diane, she had been on her own for ten years me eight years. I have two grown boys she had two girls and they each had a boy. Diane had a clotting disorder she was in to check for new clots and open up a vein that had scar tissue. You probably already read her story, I won't go through it again. She was at U of M Hospital for five weeks, on a ventilator and sedated for the first week and a half. I'm sure you felt the same way I did completely helpless that I couldn't do anything to help her. The Doctors would come around twice a day on rounds, it was always the same thing she hasn't gotten any better but hasn't got any worse. The Doctor's had saved her life seven years ago I expected they were going to be able to do the same . They sent her to Hospital in Saginaw to try to get her off the ventilator and Dialysis. She started bleeding again and I got called in the middle of the night. Her heart had stopped for 29 minutes, had to make the decision to turn off the ventilator. She was Sedated I held her and took a while to get the courage up to tell them to turn off the ventilator. I stoked her hair and told her to relax I was with her Loved Her and always would not to worry about anything I would take care of everything that was important to her. She relaxed and died in my arms also. Like you a lot of people tell me how well I'm doing, I try do do the right things get out keep in contact with people. On the outside I might look okay, but inside I feel like mush. Don't have a clue what to do feel and scared to death of the idea of being alone. I have found it helpful to post on here people understand what you are going through and always offer support and comfort. Thanks for the friends offer, the only thing I have figured out to do is keep trying to move forward as much as possible with the idea that I will learn to live and cope with the pain in the future. Try to take time for yourself Patrica and allow your grief to go where it needs to go.